When my daughter was still a toddler-a little over one-we decided it was time to start trying to expand our family. Based on previous experiences, we were fairly certain that this expansion wouldn't happen immediately. What we didn't expect was years instead of months of trying.
I also didn't expect the feeling of being SO alone. It was easy to find chat rooms about people struggling with infertility-with their first child. How could I unload my worries on those people when I already had a beautiful daughter of my own? I felt greedy-but I wanted more. The doctor found nothing wrong with us-why wasn't it easy? Secondary infertility is out there-if you are dealing with it you are not alone. Please don't lose faith.
Easy for me to say now, however at the time I almost lost my faith. How could God allow people who didn't even want a child to have the miracle happen to them-and not to me? I was already a loving mother and wife!
My husband, while loving me and trying to understand me in our struggle, just couldn't quite grasp it. He started our quest saying "Whatever happens, happens." Toward the end of this period of time he started saying "I really feel like our family is complete." After a couple of heartaches I started to believe him... A little over four years ago I gave away or sold a huge portion of our baby "stuff". I actually felt relieved-like a weight was lifted off of me. 6 months later-I was expecting.
Now as I lay here watching my almost 3 year old (tomorrow actually!) clutching a hot wheel in each hand-watching They Might Be Giants Here Comes Science-muttering "Milky Way" when the image comes on the screen, I think....
"I KNEW our family was missing something-this is it!!" I was missing the body slam-like hugs, the train track builder, even the "no kisses" cool kid. How could I have ever doubted? I know now that my family is complete-I feel it in my bones. Our plan is to be done. We have faith that this is Gods plan, too.
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
Friday, October 16, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Like sands through the hourglass..
I'm finally posting today-sorry it's been a while. I've been helping at Vacation Bible School (VBS) at my church this week every morning. It has been a great experience (hopefully) helping kids to know God better. I know I wouldn't have been able to participate like this if I was still working, so I'm grateful I can be there.
As awesome as this whole experience is, it also wore me (and my kids) out! Which meant my kids have been a little bit "owly" in the afternoon/evening time lately. Tonight in particular was interesting-as my hubby and I were breathing a sigh of relief (and contemplating our "yippee the kids are in bed!" cocktail") my daughter felt the need to get out of bed and come holler that her little brother is out of bed. Ugh!
I wouldn't trade this week for the world, though. A high point for me was yesterday.... (dramatic pause).... I turned 35! It was a great day (ornery kids and all). After VBS (where some of the kids made me a special necklace AND I got flowers from my niece and nephews) and a quick lunch, we went to my favorite park for a spell (yep, I'm bringin' it back-it's a cute expression). Then we headed to our favorite ice cream parlor, headed back home, had some pizza and I got dolled up to spend some time with my sister and mother and crew.
As I looked in the mirror (all the while hubby was trying to get the rapscallions to bed-haha!) I liked what I saw. Yes, I wish my waistline is a little smaller-I won't be wearing any bikinis any time soon, or ever for that matter... But my skin is (fairly) clear, my face has a "sun-kissed" look to it, which is so nice, because it means I can get by with little to no makeup. This is the most sun I have been able to get in years-when I was working I just couldn't find enough time to get outside-now we're out every day we can. With time flying by like it is, I'm so glad that I can take some time to be with my kids.
PS & FYI-we signed our refinance papers today. We were able to bring our monthly mortgage payment down by over $120. Calculate that by 30 years and it makes a HUGE difference. Mortgage rates are starting to creep up, but they are still much lower than they were a few years ago, so if you're in the position to refi & haven't yet-it's something to think about.
As awesome as this whole experience is, it also wore me (and my kids) out! Which meant my kids have been a little bit "owly" in the afternoon/evening time lately. Tonight in particular was interesting-as my hubby and I were breathing a sigh of relief (and contemplating our "yippee the kids are in bed!" cocktail") my daughter felt the need to get out of bed and come holler that her little brother is out of bed. Ugh!
I wouldn't trade this week for the world, though. A high point for me was yesterday.... (dramatic pause).... I turned 35! It was a great day (ornery kids and all). After VBS (where some of the kids made me a special necklace AND I got flowers from my niece and nephews) and a quick lunch, we went to my favorite park for a spell (yep, I'm bringin' it back-it's a cute expression). Then we headed to our favorite ice cream parlor, headed back home, had some pizza and I got dolled up to spend some time with my sister and mother and crew.
As I looked in the mirror (all the while hubby was trying to get the rapscallions to bed-haha!) I liked what I saw. Yes, I wish my waistline is a little smaller-I won't be wearing any bikinis any time soon, or ever for that matter... But my skin is (fairly) clear, my face has a "sun-kissed" look to it, which is so nice, because it means I can get by with little to no makeup. This is the most sun I have been able to get in years-when I was working I just couldn't find enough time to get outside-now we're out every day we can. With time flying by like it is, I'm so glad that I can take some time to be with my kids.
PS & FYI-we signed our refinance papers today. We were able to bring our monthly mortgage payment down by over $120. Calculate that by 30 years and it makes a HUGE difference. Mortgage rates are starting to creep up, but they are still much lower than they were a few years ago, so if you're in the position to refi & haven't yet-it's something to think about.
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