Has Momma found her place???

Why is it that when life starts to just get comfortable, things get turned upside down all over again?? Sometimes I think of life as a moss covered hiking trail-sometimes when we're climbing up we slip down and sometimes when we're sliding down we find a rock and catch ourselves and are able to right ourselves again. (All through the grace of God in my opinion).

I was comfortable a year ago in my old job as a title closer. I had been there over seven years, made decent enough money working 3 days a week and LOVED the peopled I worked with. Then I was laid off.... "slip sliding away" as Paul Simon says. I thought "This is it-the hard times that I KNEW would come at some point." But guess what?? We adjusted. I adjusted-adapted. I cut coupons and looked for sales. We made some sacrifices, but way fewer than I expected. I thrived in my new role as Mom at home. (Don't get me wrong, there were tough days, but there are on every job).

Then I got a phone call from an old contact-an attorney had a secretary who was expecting, he needed help during her maternity leave... I stepped in to help for the 7 weeks time. I have been working 4 days a week-the schedule has been tough-I haven't been able to meet the standards that I set for myself when I was home all the time-baking my own bread, a better organized more deeply cleaned house.

When I got hired for this job I thought I'd do my time, get done with 7 weeks and be home again. Fortunately or unfortunately, I have grown to really like the bosses and coworkers here. Sometimes the clients and cases are hard for me to face or know about (you can guess some of the types of clients attorneys have-it's not all sunshine and daisies). In fact, my first week I cried a few times, both over missing my little guy and just the sadness of knowing there is some bad stuff happening out there.

As I mentioned, I like the people I work with... One of the attorneys has been asking me to stay on after my time is up. It has been fairly easy to quickly respond with "I'm very honored, but no thank you, I need to be with my family right now." It has almost become a game-he knows how I'll answer, yet he keeps trying.... Well, Friday he said "You know you just need to come in and work one or two days a week so that you can keep in touch with all of us and what is going on-all the sordid details." (he like me is a "wordy" and likes to articulate-someone I've been enjoying bantering with).

So, now I'm slip sliding again-do I stay or do I go? Will it kill my kids to miss me one day a week? Will it kill me??? I don't think so. I think I know what I want to do-but would love any comments regarding this decision.

Bittersweet Memories..

Am I the only person that is struggling with feeling both extremely happy and sad this week? While I am so thrilled that my darling daughter is starting 2nd grade this week-another milestone on her list this summer: new loft bed & room/learning to ride a bike/losing her two front teeth-awww... I just feel so sad that the school break is ending, too. I think this is largely because I start work at a temp job on Monday.

This is also a bittersweet notion. I am happy that I'll be working outside of the home for just a short amount of time. I am happy to be able to work with some of the people that I used to be in contact with at my old job. I am happy to get away so that I can appreciate my kids all the more (absence makes the heart grow fonder?) However, I am sad that after paying the babysitter her nominal fee (and I mean nominal-she is excellent and low priced) I will be making less than unemployment was paying me. I am sad that I will be away from my little guy 4 days a week-especially since big sis is starting school and it was getting back to just the two of us during the day. What it really boils down to is that overall I'm happy to help out a gentleman that I have a lot of respect for by temping at his office. If it weren't for that swing vote-I'd have turned down the offer and "tightened the belt" a wee bit more-it's going to be hard to be away from my kids that much!

I'm also very happy to provide my family with a... (ahem) clean and tidy house, clean clothes folded and put away, hot meals most nights and now even home baked bread. I am also so happy to take my children to all kinds of fun places: parks, zoos, pools, beaches... I wonder sometimes why these things are not appreciated nearly as much as the fact that as soon as Daddy walks in the door, he throws himself down on the floor to be trampled over. I also wonder why my two year old will tell me point blank that "no, you can't push me (on the swing)... Daddy do it." I know it is silly to let any of this bother me-I usually laugh about it. In fact my husband is every bit the father that I dreamed of for my children. I am SO LUCKY to have him in my life, in our lives. It's just hard sometimes to feel like the butler/maid/nanny waiting in the wings for the next request.

I'm sure this feeling will pass, especially next week when I'm a "working girl" again. I did speak with hubby and he is already agreeable to pitching in a bit more so that we can keep things on an even keel. How will it go? I'll keep you posted.

Mother May I???

Happy May Day everyone! This first day of May, 2009 has brought about in me... Sheer exhaustion!! I have been a busy bee the past couple of weeks doing one or two spring cleaning items a day-which pretty much has taken up my "golden hour" of little guys naptime. Add to that the fact that we've been outside playing most of the afternoon/evening, (Plus I was up a little late with some girlfriends last night) I'm just beat!

This week I got to have lunch with one of my closest friends-a coworker from my old office. As she was venting (like we always would do) about stress, schedules, etc... I realized "Hey, I don't miss this at all!" Not that I don't miss her, and the other friends I made at my office, but the stress is not missed at all. The next day I stopped into the branch that my old boss works in to drop off a copy of my Autism Now letter (see Why I walk for Autism Now post)-it was kind of uncomfortable. She saw that I was carrying a folder, and I wonder if she thought I was going to beg for my old job.... It could just be me and my mindset, though. Oh well, not really a concern. It was nice getting to see old friends, but I'm doing just fine with my new "subordinates" (haha!)

And to confirm my realization about my new job, we gave out May baskets today! This is a huge deal considering that for the past 8 years, I have managed to get May baskets made, but it was always at the end of a stressful last day of the month (something quite significant in real estate in our area). This meant that though my kids may have enjoyed making and delivering the baskets-I was just going through the motions, just trying to get it done so that I could have "my time". This year I didn't even realize that it was the "end of the month" until April 30th. Not that I didn't know and prepare for May Day, just that the last day of the month means nothing to me now-it was just a Thursday.

It's kind of freeing to be able to just think about the family. We thoroughly enjoyed May day-and I'm one tired Momma!