Bittersweet Memories..

Am I the only person that is struggling with feeling both extremely happy and sad this week? While I am so thrilled that my darling daughter is starting 2nd grade this week-another milestone on her list this summer: new loft bed & room/learning to ride a bike/losing her two front teeth-awww... I just feel so sad that the school break is ending, too. I think this is largely because I start work at a temp job on Monday.

This is also a bittersweet notion. I am happy that I'll be working outside of the home for just a short amount of time. I am happy to be able to work with some of the people that I used to be in contact with at my old job. I am happy to get away so that I can appreciate my kids all the more (absence makes the heart grow fonder?) However, I am sad that after paying the babysitter her nominal fee (and I mean nominal-she is excellent and low priced) I will be making less than unemployment was paying me. I am sad that I will be away from my little guy 4 days a week-especially since big sis is starting school and it was getting back to just the two of us during the day. What it really boils down to is that overall I'm happy to help out a gentleman that I have a lot of respect for by temping at his office. If it weren't for that swing vote-I'd have turned down the offer and "tightened the belt" a wee bit more-it's going to be hard to be away from my kids that much!

I'm also very happy to provide my family with a... (ahem) clean and tidy house, clean clothes folded and put away, hot meals most nights and now even home baked bread. I am also so happy to take my children to all kinds of fun places: parks, zoos, pools, beaches... I wonder sometimes why these things are not appreciated nearly as much as the fact that as soon as Daddy walks in the door, he throws himself down on the floor to be trampled over. I also wonder why my two year old will tell me point blank that "no, you can't push me (on the swing)... Daddy do it." I know it is silly to let any of this bother me-I usually laugh about it. In fact my husband is every bit the father that I dreamed of for my children. I am SO LUCKY to have him in my life, in our lives. It's just hard sometimes to feel like the butler/maid/nanny waiting in the wings for the next request.

I'm sure this feeling will pass, especially next week when I'm a "working girl" again. I did speak with hubby and he is already agreeable to pitching in a bit more so that we can keep things on an even keel. How will it go? I'll keep you posted.

The message

Hello fellow bloggers and visitors. I am still alive, I've just been VERY busy this summer-we've been working on my daughter's room-turning it from a little boys theme to an appropriate room for a 7 year old girl. All we have left to paint is her bookcase and find a desk for her and she's set-as soon as those are done, I'll post pictures! Although things are still quite busy for me and probably will be until school starts (or even after-I have been offered a temp job at a local attorney's office while his secretary is on maternity leave end of August until sometime in October).

I felt compelled to post today-I had a nightmare last night that opened my eyes. I dreamt that I was at a friends apartment with a lot of 10-13 year old kids. My children weren't there and I knew they were safe, I also knew that I had the appropriate markings to be safe, but what it boiled down to was that an assassin was coming to slaughter any kids that did not have the right sticker on their wrist. I was just sitting there waiting for the doorbell to ring, knowing that "at least I'm safe and my children are safe". The doorbell rang, the host let the "man" (I use this term lightly as he was no more than a teenage boy himself) in. He checked my wrist and moved on-the kids were sitting on the floor-playing video games or singing-I'm not sure, but they were having fun. He went to the first girl and checked her wrist-I remember him lifting it up so gently like a friend would. Then he said "I'm sorry." and took out a large knife. That's when I realized that I could NOT sit by and just watch this happen-it wasn't enough that my kids were safe and I was safe-I didn't try anything before because I thought it wouldn't help.... I was scared. But now I KNEW I had to do something. I ran towards the assassin with all my might and yelled at the top of my lungs "RUN!!!"

That's when I woke up. The scariest part of the dream was that I had sat so long not even trying anything to help those kids. I thought for a little while and realized-I'm doing that now. There are kids in the world that are sick, scared and dying. Because I don't see them and because I give to various charities, I feel like I've done enough-plus MY kids are safe.... I'm safe....

NOT ENOUGH.

I know that God wants more of me-he just gave me a wake-up call. I don't have a lot to give, but I have more than others. Plus, I have this blog-a perfect spot to get other people's attentions. All I'm saying is to do what you can, don't think that you can't help-you can. I'm posting some links to some of my favorite children charities-I invite you to comment with any more links to charities you can think of, too. Maybe together we can make a difference in children's lives.

Unicef-Unite for Children: (one of my faves-who remembers trick or treat for Unicef?)
www.unicef.org

One (fighting aids):
www.one.org

Feed the Children (both in United States and worldwide)
www.feedthechildren.org

All right, that's a few, I know there are many more great charities out there. My challenge to you is to give if you can, but also, please let us know of any more great charities out there that might need our help. Also, there are many local organizations that are trying to help kids, too. I for one will be donating to our local "Feed our children" charity-providing free lunch to hungry kids in our community. Don't forget that donations are usually tax deductible and you feel GREAT giving back. Good luck and God bless!

Like sands through the hourglass..

I'm finally posting today-sorry it's been a while. I've been helping at Vacation Bible School (VBS) at my church this week every morning. It has been a great experience (hopefully) helping kids to know God better. I know I wouldn't have been able to participate like this if I was still working, so I'm grateful I can be there.

As awesome as this whole experience is, it also wore me (and my kids) out! Which meant my kids have been a little bit "owly" in the afternoon/evening time lately. Tonight in particular was interesting-as my hubby and I were breathing a sigh of relief (and contemplating our "yippee the kids are in bed!" cocktail") my daughter felt the need to get out of bed and come holler that her little brother is out of bed. Ugh!

I wouldn't trade this week for the world, though. A high point for me was yesterday.... (dramatic pause).... I turned 35! It was a great day (ornery kids and all). After VBS (where some of the kids made me a special necklace AND I got flowers from my niece and nephews) and a quick lunch, we went to my favorite park for a spell (yep, I'm bringin' it back-it's a cute expression). Then we headed to our favorite ice cream parlor, headed back home, had some pizza and I got dolled up to spend some time with my sister and mother and crew.

As I looked in the mirror (all the while hubby was trying to get the rapscallions to bed-haha!) I liked what I saw. Yes, I wish my waistline is a little smaller-I won't be wearing any bikinis any time soon, or ever for that matter... But my skin is (fairly) clear, my face has a "sun-kissed" look to it, which is so nice, because it means I can get by with little to no makeup. This is the most sun I have been able to get in years-when I was working I just couldn't find enough time to get outside-now we're out every day we can. With time flying by like it is, I'm so glad that I can take some time to be with my kids.

PS & FYI-we signed our refinance papers today. We were able to bring our monthly mortgage payment down by over $120. Calculate that by 30 years and it makes a HUGE difference. Mortgage rates are starting to creep up, but they are still much lower than they were a few years ago, so if you're in the position to refi & haven't yet-it's something to think about.

Beneath the Midwestern Moon

My post title is my little homage to Frances Mayes' book, "Under the Tuscan Sun". A story I read a decade ago as I was nearing a huge change in my life-matrimony. A coworker had lent it to me, as she had heard we were going to Italy on our honeymoon. I read the book, enjoyed it, perused the recipes that were also included in the book, but gave it back without cooking a single one (I wasn't even a newlywed yet, so most of our meals were mac'n'cheese.) I really hadn't thought about the book in years-the last time being when a movie came out and was actually released on video-hubby and I watched it and I enjoyed it, but had a hard time getting past some major differences between the movie and book (a struggle I often have).

Recently the movie was playing on one of our extended cable channels, so I recorded it-a good late evening entertainment when there isn't anything on. Watching the movie again reminded me of how much I liked the book. I told my hubby that if I could find it second hand I was going to buy it and THIS TIME I was going to cook some of those delicious recipes included. A few days later the kids and I were perusing the local Goodwill store as a timekiller (1st week of no school and a rainy forecast) and what do I find, but Under the Tuscan Sun! I snatched it up like it was a rare piece of jewelry. What a find!

I also on impulse bought a book circa the 70's about running a household-it's been actually fun reading about quick clean-ups involving emptying your ashtrays first and looking our best for hubby when he gets home. I think the best part about that book was a vintage postcard of a Florida hotel circa 60's or 70's-it's so fun to look at and just wonder-is it still there? Who went there and who was the postcard meant for (unfortunately it was never filled out or mailed)?

All of this nostalgia, along with re-reading a favorite from 10 years ago (my how my life has changed!), plus the fact that I will be turning 35 in less than two weeks has put me in some sort of state of "walking down memory lane". Today I dug out a sort of journal that my Grandmother filled out for me about her life when I was not much older than my daughter is today-I haven't looked at it in a few years, so it was very cool to get re-acquainted with it and my Grandma in turn. I'm planning on sharing it with my daughter very soon as she already adores her great grandmother, and would love to know more about her.

The previously mentioned postcard has put me on a mission-I have a plain wood tray in my family room sitting on an end table. The postcard inspired me to mod podge more postcards to the tray, then cover with a shellac to finish. I started my hunt for more postcards Friday, a local rummage sale listing advertised Antique postcards. I went with my two and somehow managed to lightly skim the full container of cards to find five to take home with a toddler on my hip for the duration. That evening as I was showing hubby my finds-he found the most exciting surprise about my new purchases. two of the cards had one cent stamps on them, and one of these had a postmark of the year 1908-THESE POSTCARDS WERE OVER 100 YEARS OLD! Obviously, those two are not going to be shellacked. I keep reading the messages on them over and over as if I'm peering into their soul-who were these people (sender and sendee)? Friends? Lovers? I can only guess... I do know one thing... I may have a new hobby.

Good ol' hospitality

I'd like to talk a little bit about the seemingly dying art of hospitality (and graciousness to boot). The general definition of hospitality pertains mostly to kind and courteous treatment of guests and/or strangers, but to me it means a little something more. My southern belle neighbor definitely knows a little bit about this custom and has inspired me to pass it on...

She asked me to feed her fish and cat and water her garden while she and her family were visiting with relatives in Tennessee. I gladly agreed-they live just two doors down, so it's a pretty easy job-plus my little guy has actually enjoyed "helping" in the task. My first day of our "tasks" I noticed a package and a card on her dining room table with my name on it. Wouldn't you know it, she left me two loaves of homemade bread, a small painting of her husband's doing that I had been eyeing for months, a craft toy & summer toy for the kids along with a homemade card with a beautiful photograph on the front. All this for so little work? At first I was shocked, but then it sunk in... This is just like her-so giving, so caring, so kind. I am truly blessed to have this woman in my life as though she is (a teensy bit) younger than me, she is a great inspiration to me. That evening I made a small batch of chocolate caramel brownies to give to other neighbor/friends (have I mentioned how much I love our neighborhood?) that were kind enough to watch our little guy during my Grandmother's funeral the previous weekend. Pay it forward, right?

As much as I love my neighborhood, I think it has been going through some growing pains lately. We have new neighbors, that seem to have a different type of parenting style than the rest of the neighborhood. It seems pretty much like it's just let the kids run around all day without knowing where they are or what they're doing, followed by intense yelling. Many times we have had several children from this family (I think the Mommy babysits her nieces and nephews) pushing my kids out of the way to climb on my swing set without even asking if they may. We are trying to have a firm yet kind stand on this subject, so it's pretty much the rule now that you MUST ask first, and if you push, hit, swear or do anything else inappropriate, you have to go home. We are trying to give as much attention and praise (for positive behavior) as possible, as these children just seem to eat it up like they're starved for it. We are praying every night to find a way to make a difference.

On Sunday I feel my hospitality was put to the test with one of the little boys. He came over while my hubby, kids and I were out playing on the swing set. To look at him made me cringe a little as he had dirt caked all over his face and (I think) boogies hanging from his nose. He asked very politely if he could swing, and of course we said yes. One of our rules is that no kids may be on our swing set while no adults are supervising-at this point that was no problem as we were all out. However, I knew I needed to get down to the neighbors and water her plants, so I mentioned it to hubby. Half an hour later hubby said he was going to take my kids over to visit another neighbor, but neighbor boy wanted to swing a little longer. So, even though every part of me was itching to get my "jobs" done while my children were off and occupied with their Daddy, I stayed and talked with the little guy. I answered a lot of questions for him-like "What is sand?" and "What are seasons?" I felt like a bond was growing with this little guy and I no longer saw the dirt on his face, I saw an adorable little boy who is dying for attention and affection. After half an hour of chatting I decided I better get moving before suppertime, so I walked him home hand in hand. He wanted to ride a big wheel on his sidewalk and he said "Will you stay and watch me?" How could I resist? I told him I'd stay for just a few minutes more and watch him, but then I needed to get my jobs done. He rode down the block, turning back every few feet to make sure I was still there-I waved and smiled my best smile (the one I smile when my kids do amazing things) for him every time, and every time he smiled a huge smile and waved back. After a few minutes, I said goodbye and promised that as soon as my "jobs" were done, I'd come back and wave at him. I just felt like the kid might do well with having some promises kept (not that I know his parents or whether they keep promises, it's just the vibe I was getting from him). I came back and waved, and a few minutes later he was back at my swing set playing with my returned family. Not much later he was being yelled for and he had to go home (perhaps he didn't let them know he was leaving-even though I asked if he had?). He looked up at me and said "Will you PLEASE walk me home?" So, once again, hand in had we walked to his back path and he raced off to his house. I realized I was feeling pangs similar to the ones I felt when my daughter started school. I'm just so glad to know that kid, and I look forward to the opportunity to get to know him and the rest of the kids in his family better throughout the summer. What was looking like a dreary neighborhood forecast (and could still be-but I'm not paying it mind) for this summer is now looking like a silver lining-we can make a difference in a child's life.

Gray hairs galore.

I think my son is trying to give me about a zillion gray hairs. He is so fearless that I have assumed all of the fear myself and then some. I already mentioned how he chased a bird last week. Well since then he has also woken up before everyone else in the family, gone down to the kitchen gotten a strawberry and a knife to cut the stem off (since that's what Mommy always does). My hubby heard some scuffling, and found him with the knife on our couch "stabbing" it (thankfully it wasn't a sharp knife and didn't break through). Little man was nice enough to point out that it was okay that he was using the knife because it was "a small knife, Dad!".

Ugh-I can feel those gray hairs coming. Plus we're trying to teach him the importance of using our words instead of getting physical, ie: saying "I'm mad." instead of hitting someone. My daughter gave us a few scares at this age, but he has given us more scares in one week than I think she ever has given us! I know every child is different, and I love his moxie, but he is driving his Momma up the wall! I am watching him like a hawk, but he still manages to climb on everything and anything in his reach. I am SO happy that he is sleeping now so that I can relax (a little!). I think I'm going to go sit down with a (much deserved) glass of wine. I've attached a video of the kids at the park-notice how after the car honks, little guy looks back at Sis and then hits her with the stick. See why I'm getting gray?

Week's End Update

Hello Strangers! Sorry that it's taken me so long to post, it just has been a VERY long week. Let me give a quick rundown of the most memorable moments, and I'm off to be with family (you'll understand better in a moment)

1. I lost my little guy on Tuesday-we were outside painting, he was going toward the front of our house and I went to set down my paint roller to go get him-then he was gone. I cannot explain the gut wrenching feeling that overtook me. I searched frantically in the nearby yards, neighbors, and called my sister as I knew she was nearby also. Then, like a miracle he was there he told me that he was "chasing a bird" Little man was followed by a guardian angel-a senior man from one block down was following him and very forcefully reminded me of how bad I mother I was to lose my child. I didn't need any reminding-I felt like the worst mother in the whole world. Now I know what those mothers mean when they say "I just turned around for a minute." I still hyperventilate thinking about it now. I know a couple of very important things now- Junior is now not afraid to leave our yard or cross the street-so as they say in one of the Harry Potter books "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" (not that I was letting him run willy nilly before, but he's fearless and the next point is:) , little man is MUCH faster than I ever gave him credit for. I have never had this happen with my daughter (she's too pokey), so it's a new experience that I hope I NEVER have to go through again.

2. I got to chaperone at my daughter's school field trip-that was a fun experience, and I didn't lose a single child (seriously, I was on those poor seven year olds like flies on honey-they might have felt a little smothered, but too bad.) My girl said that it was the "best field trip ever". I 'd like to think that part of that was because I was able to go-if I was working that might not have been the case.

3. My grandmother passed away early yesterday. It's so hard to see my mother having to let go of her mother. She just stopped by and seems to be holding up well, but of course I worry-she's my mom. We are taking the kids over to her place for dinner tonight (one of her friends provided a big pot of sloppy joes and all the fixin's)-so I'm looking forward to getting to spend some more time with her. I wish I would have spent more time with my grandmother-I feel like I don't know who she was very well-that's probably what's the hardest for me.

Well, that's the three major bullet points of my week in random order-obviously I've had some frayed nerves and with the visitation/funeral happening tomorrow, there will be more to come. If you pray, say a little one for my family?