Happy happy birthday baby.

When my daughter was still a toddler-a little over one-we decided it was time to start trying to expand our family. Based on previous experiences, we were fairly certain that this expansion wouldn't happen immediately. What we didn't expect was years instead of months of trying.

I also didn't expect the feeling of being SO alone. It was easy to find chat rooms about people struggling with infertility-with their first child. How could I unload my worries on those people when I already had a beautiful daughter of my own? I felt greedy-but I wanted more. The doctor found nothing wrong with us-why wasn't it easy? Secondary infertility is out there-if you are dealing with it you are not alone. Please don't lose faith.

Easy for me to say now, however at the time I almost lost my faith. How could God allow people who didn't even want a child to have the miracle happen to them-and not to me? I was already a loving mother and wife!

My husband, while loving me and trying to understand me in our struggle, just couldn't quite grasp it. He started our quest saying "Whatever happens, happens." Toward the end of this period of time he started saying "I really feel like our family is complete." After a couple of heartaches I started to believe him... A little over four years ago I gave away or sold a huge portion of our baby "stuff". I actually felt relieved-like a weight was lifted off of me. 6 months later-I was expecting.

Now as I lay here watching my almost 3 year old (tomorrow actually!) clutching a hot wheel in each hand-watching They Might Be Giants Here Comes Science-muttering "Milky Way" when the image comes on the screen, I think....

"I KNEW our family was missing something-this is it!!" I was missing the body slam-like hugs, the train track builder, even the "no kisses" cool kid. How could I have ever doubted? I know now that my family is complete-I feel it in my bones. Our plan is to be done. We have faith that this is Gods plan, too.