Shake the crankies out.

Today I had to resort to some good old fashioned fresh air to get me out of a funk. And it worked-of course!

I woke up in a cheery enough mood-we had Sunday school and church-always an uplifting way to start the day. I think what started things going downhill was when we were leaving the church, my hubby was giving our boy a shoulder ride (something he often does with him, especially when we're trying to corral the kids). Well, hubby forgot to tell the little guy to duck his head as they went out the door-and wouldn't you know it? Goose-egg city! Now I'm not saying that made me get down, but after twenty minutes of listening to a crying toddler-I was starting to feel the pressure. Then when we got home it just ended up feeling like one of those days where I couldn't keep up with the constant requests of the family. Hubby went outside to do some much needed work and I fended for the rest of us. My niece had come to visit for the afternoon and a little neighbor girl came to play, so we had a full house. The kids were actually very good (especially the ones that weren't mine-why is that?) They just were taking time away from certain things I felt I needed to get done around the house.

That's when I realized.. "Stuff can wait, but I don't want to miss out on spending a Sunday afternoon with these great kids." My niece asked if they could play outside and I joined them. I shadowed their game of TV tag and helped them rake a good sized pile of leaves in the middle of my front yard-just so that they could enjoy jumping in them. After an hour or so outside in the cool autumn air, I was a little chilled, but happy-it really was a great day. Our guests returned home, I started getting the bread baked that I so badly wanted to make today and hubby helped while the kids had a little "chill out" time watching a movie.

Sometimes it is hard for me to let go of MY plans for what the little ones might want to do-but I have to remember this time is short, and usually if I give some time to them, they'll be more willing to mellow out and let Mom get some things done later. Ah... Life is good-get out and play!

Happy happy birthday baby.

When my daughter was still a toddler-a little over one-we decided it was time to start trying to expand our family. Based on previous experiences, we were fairly certain that this expansion wouldn't happen immediately. What we didn't expect was years instead of months of trying.

I also didn't expect the feeling of being SO alone. It was easy to find chat rooms about people struggling with infertility-with their first child. How could I unload my worries on those people when I already had a beautiful daughter of my own? I felt greedy-but I wanted more. The doctor found nothing wrong with us-why wasn't it easy? Secondary infertility is out there-if you are dealing with it you are not alone. Please don't lose faith.

Easy for me to say now, however at the time I almost lost my faith. How could God allow people who didn't even want a child to have the miracle happen to them-and not to me? I was already a loving mother and wife!

My husband, while loving me and trying to understand me in our struggle, just couldn't quite grasp it. He started our quest saying "Whatever happens, happens." Toward the end of this period of time he started saying "I really feel like our family is complete." After a couple of heartaches I started to believe him... A little over four years ago I gave away or sold a huge portion of our baby "stuff". I actually felt relieved-like a weight was lifted off of me. 6 months later-I was expecting.

Now as I lay here watching my almost 3 year old (tomorrow actually!) clutching a hot wheel in each hand-watching They Might Be Giants Here Comes Science-muttering "Milky Way" when the image comes on the screen, I think....

"I KNEW our family was missing something-this is it!!" I was missing the body slam-like hugs, the train track builder, even the "no kisses" cool kid. How could I have ever doubted? I know now that my family is complete-I feel it in my bones. Our plan is to be done. We have faith that this is Gods plan, too.

Has Momma found her place???

Why is it that when life starts to just get comfortable, things get turned upside down all over again?? Sometimes I think of life as a moss covered hiking trail-sometimes when we're climbing up we slip down and sometimes when we're sliding down we find a rock and catch ourselves and are able to right ourselves again. (All through the grace of God in my opinion).

I was comfortable a year ago in my old job as a title closer. I had been there over seven years, made decent enough money working 3 days a week and LOVED the peopled I worked with. Then I was laid off.... "slip sliding away" as Paul Simon says. I thought "This is it-the hard times that I KNEW would come at some point." But guess what?? We adjusted. I adjusted-adapted. I cut coupons and looked for sales. We made some sacrifices, but way fewer than I expected. I thrived in my new role as Mom at home. (Don't get me wrong, there were tough days, but there are on every job).

Then I got a phone call from an old contact-an attorney had a secretary who was expecting, he needed help during her maternity leave... I stepped in to help for the 7 weeks time. I have been working 4 days a week-the schedule has been tough-I haven't been able to meet the standards that I set for myself when I was home all the time-baking my own bread, a better organized more deeply cleaned house.

When I got hired for this job I thought I'd do my time, get done with 7 weeks and be home again. Fortunately or unfortunately, I have grown to really like the bosses and coworkers here. Sometimes the clients and cases are hard for me to face or know about (you can guess some of the types of clients attorneys have-it's not all sunshine and daisies). In fact, my first week I cried a few times, both over missing my little guy and just the sadness of knowing there is some bad stuff happening out there.

As I mentioned, I like the people I work with... One of the attorneys has been asking me to stay on after my time is up. It has been fairly easy to quickly respond with "I'm very honored, but no thank you, I need to be with my family right now." It has almost become a game-he knows how I'll answer, yet he keeps trying.... Well, Friday he said "You know you just need to come in and work one or two days a week so that you can keep in touch with all of us and what is going on-all the sordid details." (he like me is a "wordy" and likes to articulate-someone I've been enjoying bantering with).

So, now I'm slip sliding again-do I stay or do I go? Will it kill my kids to miss me one day a week? Will it kill me??? I don't think so. I think I know what I want to do-but would love any comments regarding this decision.

Thanks for the memories.

It's funny how watching a silly slapstick comedy was able to make me recall memories I haven't had in years. We watched Step Brothers last week and toward the end, one of the lead characters sang an Italian song made popular a decade ago by blind singer Andrea Bocelli-I don't recall what it is called, but the English version is called "Time to Say Goodbye".

I don't know if it was because our 10 year anniversary was fast approaching (this Friday) or I was feeling just relaxed enough since my benadryl was kicking in (darn Ragweed!)-but I was flooded with memories of our honeymoon in Italy: Warm air, windows wide open to the piazza below... Eating al fresco, drinking wine-lots of wine since it was cheaper to buy a house red than a bottle of water at most places... passionate nights in foreign beds.... It WAS our honeymoon after all.

It just amazes me how memories work. When we least expect it-a sound, a smell or a sight will bring us back to places we haven't visited (even in our minds) in many years. It's so great to have the opportunity to relive old experiences again. In fact, since the kids are officially off to bed now... I think I will go get a glass of red, join hubby on the front porch, close my eyes and take another trip down memory lane.

Bittersweet Memories..

Am I the only person that is struggling with feeling both extremely happy and sad this week? While I am so thrilled that my darling daughter is starting 2nd grade this week-another milestone on her list this summer: new loft bed & room/learning to ride a bike/losing her two front teeth-awww... I just feel so sad that the school break is ending, too. I think this is largely because I start work at a temp job on Monday.

This is also a bittersweet notion. I am happy that I'll be working outside of the home for just a short amount of time. I am happy to be able to work with some of the people that I used to be in contact with at my old job. I am happy to get away so that I can appreciate my kids all the more (absence makes the heart grow fonder?) However, I am sad that after paying the babysitter her nominal fee (and I mean nominal-she is excellent and low priced) I will be making less than unemployment was paying me. I am sad that I will be away from my little guy 4 days a week-especially since big sis is starting school and it was getting back to just the two of us during the day. What it really boils down to is that overall I'm happy to help out a gentleman that I have a lot of respect for by temping at his office. If it weren't for that swing vote-I'd have turned down the offer and "tightened the belt" a wee bit more-it's going to be hard to be away from my kids that much!

I'm also very happy to provide my family with a... (ahem) clean and tidy house, clean clothes folded and put away, hot meals most nights and now even home baked bread. I am also so happy to take my children to all kinds of fun places: parks, zoos, pools, beaches... I wonder sometimes why these things are not appreciated nearly as much as the fact that as soon as Daddy walks in the door, he throws himself down on the floor to be trampled over. I also wonder why my two year old will tell me point blank that "no, you can't push me (on the swing)... Daddy do it." I know it is silly to let any of this bother me-I usually laugh about it. In fact my husband is every bit the father that I dreamed of for my children. I am SO LUCKY to have him in my life, in our lives. It's just hard sometimes to feel like the butler/maid/nanny waiting in the wings for the next request.

I'm sure this feeling will pass, especially next week when I'm a "working girl" again. I did speak with hubby and he is already agreeable to pitching in a bit more so that we can keep things on an even keel. How will it go? I'll keep you posted.

The message

Hello fellow bloggers and visitors. I am still alive, I've just been VERY busy this summer-we've been working on my daughter's room-turning it from a little boys theme to an appropriate room for a 7 year old girl. All we have left to paint is her bookcase and find a desk for her and she's set-as soon as those are done, I'll post pictures! Although things are still quite busy for me and probably will be until school starts (or even after-I have been offered a temp job at a local attorney's office while his secretary is on maternity leave end of August until sometime in October).

I felt compelled to post today-I had a nightmare last night that opened my eyes. I dreamt that I was at a friends apartment with a lot of 10-13 year old kids. My children weren't there and I knew they were safe, I also knew that I had the appropriate markings to be safe, but what it boiled down to was that an assassin was coming to slaughter any kids that did not have the right sticker on their wrist. I was just sitting there waiting for the doorbell to ring, knowing that "at least I'm safe and my children are safe". The doorbell rang, the host let the "man" (I use this term lightly as he was no more than a teenage boy himself) in. He checked my wrist and moved on-the kids were sitting on the floor-playing video games or singing-I'm not sure, but they were having fun. He went to the first girl and checked her wrist-I remember him lifting it up so gently like a friend would. Then he said "I'm sorry." and took out a large knife. That's when I realized that I could NOT sit by and just watch this happen-it wasn't enough that my kids were safe and I was safe-I didn't try anything before because I thought it wouldn't help.... I was scared. But now I KNEW I had to do something. I ran towards the assassin with all my might and yelled at the top of my lungs "RUN!!!"

That's when I woke up. The scariest part of the dream was that I had sat so long not even trying anything to help those kids. I thought for a little while and realized-I'm doing that now. There are kids in the world that are sick, scared and dying. Because I don't see them and because I give to various charities, I feel like I've done enough-plus MY kids are safe.... I'm safe....

NOT ENOUGH.

I know that God wants more of me-he just gave me a wake-up call. I don't have a lot to give, but I have more than others. Plus, I have this blog-a perfect spot to get other people's attentions. All I'm saying is to do what you can, don't think that you can't help-you can. I'm posting some links to some of my favorite children charities-I invite you to comment with any more links to charities you can think of, too. Maybe together we can make a difference in children's lives.

Unicef-Unite for Children: (one of my faves-who remembers trick or treat for Unicef?)
www.unicef.org

One (fighting aids):
www.one.org

Feed the Children (both in United States and worldwide)
www.feedthechildren.org

All right, that's a few, I know there are many more great charities out there. My challenge to you is to give if you can, but also, please let us know of any more great charities out there that might need our help. Also, there are many local organizations that are trying to help kids, too. I for one will be donating to our local "Feed our children" charity-providing free lunch to hungry kids in our community. Don't forget that donations are usually tax deductible and you feel GREAT giving back. Good luck and God bless!

Like sands through the hourglass..

I'm finally posting today-sorry it's been a while. I've been helping at Vacation Bible School (VBS) at my church this week every morning. It has been a great experience (hopefully) helping kids to know God better. I know I wouldn't have been able to participate like this if I was still working, so I'm grateful I can be there.

As awesome as this whole experience is, it also wore me (and my kids) out! Which meant my kids have been a little bit "owly" in the afternoon/evening time lately. Tonight in particular was interesting-as my hubby and I were breathing a sigh of relief (and contemplating our "yippee the kids are in bed!" cocktail") my daughter felt the need to get out of bed and come holler that her little brother is out of bed. Ugh!

I wouldn't trade this week for the world, though. A high point for me was yesterday.... (dramatic pause).... I turned 35! It was a great day (ornery kids and all). After VBS (where some of the kids made me a special necklace AND I got flowers from my niece and nephews) and a quick lunch, we went to my favorite park for a spell (yep, I'm bringin' it back-it's a cute expression). Then we headed to our favorite ice cream parlor, headed back home, had some pizza and I got dolled up to spend some time with my sister and mother and crew.

As I looked in the mirror (all the while hubby was trying to get the rapscallions to bed-haha!) I liked what I saw. Yes, I wish my waistline is a little smaller-I won't be wearing any bikinis any time soon, or ever for that matter... But my skin is (fairly) clear, my face has a "sun-kissed" look to it, which is so nice, because it means I can get by with little to no makeup. This is the most sun I have been able to get in years-when I was working I just couldn't find enough time to get outside-now we're out every day we can. With time flying by like it is, I'm so glad that I can take some time to be with my kids.

PS & FYI-we signed our refinance papers today. We were able to bring our monthly mortgage payment down by over $120. Calculate that by 30 years and it makes a HUGE difference. Mortgage rates are starting to creep up, but they are still much lower than they were a few years ago, so if you're in the position to refi & haven't yet-it's something to think about.

Beneath the Midwestern Moon

My post title is my little homage to Frances Mayes' book, "Under the Tuscan Sun". A story I read a decade ago as I was nearing a huge change in my life-matrimony. A coworker had lent it to me, as she had heard we were going to Italy on our honeymoon. I read the book, enjoyed it, perused the recipes that were also included in the book, but gave it back without cooking a single one (I wasn't even a newlywed yet, so most of our meals were mac'n'cheese.) I really hadn't thought about the book in years-the last time being when a movie came out and was actually released on video-hubby and I watched it and I enjoyed it, but had a hard time getting past some major differences between the movie and book (a struggle I often have).

Recently the movie was playing on one of our extended cable channels, so I recorded it-a good late evening entertainment when there isn't anything on. Watching the movie again reminded me of how much I liked the book. I told my hubby that if I could find it second hand I was going to buy it and THIS TIME I was going to cook some of those delicious recipes included. A few days later the kids and I were perusing the local Goodwill store as a timekiller (1st week of no school and a rainy forecast) and what do I find, but Under the Tuscan Sun! I snatched it up like it was a rare piece of jewelry. What a find!

I also on impulse bought a book circa the 70's about running a household-it's been actually fun reading about quick clean-ups involving emptying your ashtrays first and looking our best for hubby when he gets home. I think the best part about that book was a vintage postcard of a Florida hotel circa 60's or 70's-it's so fun to look at and just wonder-is it still there? Who went there and who was the postcard meant for (unfortunately it was never filled out or mailed)?

All of this nostalgia, along with re-reading a favorite from 10 years ago (my how my life has changed!), plus the fact that I will be turning 35 in less than two weeks has put me in some sort of state of "walking down memory lane". Today I dug out a sort of journal that my Grandmother filled out for me about her life when I was not much older than my daughter is today-I haven't looked at it in a few years, so it was very cool to get re-acquainted with it and my Grandma in turn. I'm planning on sharing it with my daughter very soon as she already adores her great grandmother, and would love to know more about her.

The previously mentioned postcard has put me on a mission-I have a plain wood tray in my family room sitting on an end table. The postcard inspired me to mod podge more postcards to the tray, then cover with a shellac to finish. I started my hunt for more postcards Friday, a local rummage sale listing advertised Antique postcards. I went with my two and somehow managed to lightly skim the full container of cards to find five to take home with a toddler on my hip for the duration. That evening as I was showing hubby my finds-he found the most exciting surprise about my new purchases. two of the cards had one cent stamps on them, and one of these had a postmark of the year 1908-THESE POSTCARDS WERE OVER 100 YEARS OLD! Obviously, those two are not going to be shellacked. I keep reading the messages on them over and over as if I'm peering into their soul-who were these people (sender and sendee)? Friends? Lovers? I can only guess... I do know one thing... I may have a new hobby.

Good ol' hospitality

I'd like to talk a little bit about the seemingly dying art of hospitality (and graciousness to boot). The general definition of hospitality pertains mostly to kind and courteous treatment of guests and/or strangers, but to me it means a little something more. My southern belle neighbor definitely knows a little bit about this custom and has inspired me to pass it on...

She asked me to feed her fish and cat and water her garden while she and her family were visiting with relatives in Tennessee. I gladly agreed-they live just two doors down, so it's a pretty easy job-plus my little guy has actually enjoyed "helping" in the task. My first day of our "tasks" I noticed a package and a card on her dining room table with my name on it. Wouldn't you know it, she left me two loaves of homemade bread, a small painting of her husband's doing that I had been eyeing for months, a craft toy & summer toy for the kids along with a homemade card with a beautiful photograph on the front. All this for so little work? At first I was shocked, but then it sunk in... This is just like her-so giving, so caring, so kind. I am truly blessed to have this woman in my life as though she is (a teensy bit) younger than me, she is a great inspiration to me. That evening I made a small batch of chocolate caramel brownies to give to other neighbor/friends (have I mentioned how much I love our neighborhood?) that were kind enough to watch our little guy during my Grandmother's funeral the previous weekend. Pay it forward, right?

As much as I love my neighborhood, I think it has been going through some growing pains lately. We have new neighbors, that seem to have a different type of parenting style than the rest of the neighborhood. It seems pretty much like it's just let the kids run around all day without knowing where they are or what they're doing, followed by intense yelling. Many times we have had several children from this family (I think the Mommy babysits her nieces and nephews) pushing my kids out of the way to climb on my swing set without even asking if they may. We are trying to have a firm yet kind stand on this subject, so it's pretty much the rule now that you MUST ask first, and if you push, hit, swear or do anything else inappropriate, you have to go home. We are trying to give as much attention and praise (for positive behavior) as possible, as these children just seem to eat it up like they're starved for it. We are praying every night to find a way to make a difference.

On Sunday I feel my hospitality was put to the test with one of the little boys. He came over while my hubby, kids and I were out playing on the swing set. To look at him made me cringe a little as he had dirt caked all over his face and (I think) boogies hanging from his nose. He asked very politely if he could swing, and of course we said yes. One of our rules is that no kids may be on our swing set while no adults are supervising-at this point that was no problem as we were all out. However, I knew I needed to get down to the neighbors and water her plants, so I mentioned it to hubby. Half an hour later hubby said he was going to take my kids over to visit another neighbor, but neighbor boy wanted to swing a little longer. So, even though every part of me was itching to get my "jobs" done while my children were off and occupied with their Daddy, I stayed and talked with the little guy. I answered a lot of questions for him-like "What is sand?" and "What are seasons?" I felt like a bond was growing with this little guy and I no longer saw the dirt on his face, I saw an adorable little boy who is dying for attention and affection. After half an hour of chatting I decided I better get moving before suppertime, so I walked him home hand in hand. He wanted to ride a big wheel on his sidewalk and he said "Will you stay and watch me?" How could I resist? I told him I'd stay for just a few minutes more and watch him, but then I needed to get my jobs done. He rode down the block, turning back every few feet to make sure I was still there-I waved and smiled my best smile (the one I smile when my kids do amazing things) for him every time, and every time he smiled a huge smile and waved back. After a few minutes, I said goodbye and promised that as soon as my "jobs" were done, I'd come back and wave at him. I just felt like the kid might do well with having some promises kept (not that I know his parents or whether they keep promises, it's just the vibe I was getting from him). I came back and waved, and a few minutes later he was back at my swing set playing with my returned family. Not much later he was being yelled for and he had to go home (perhaps he didn't let them know he was leaving-even though I asked if he had?). He looked up at me and said "Will you PLEASE walk me home?" So, once again, hand in had we walked to his back path and he raced off to his house. I realized I was feeling pangs similar to the ones I felt when my daughter started school. I'm just so glad to know that kid, and I look forward to the opportunity to get to know him and the rest of the kids in his family better throughout the summer. What was looking like a dreary neighborhood forecast (and could still be-but I'm not paying it mind) for this summer is now looking like a silver lining-we can make a difference in a child's life.

Gray hairs galore.

I think my son is trying to give me about a zillion gray hairs. He is so fearless that I have assumed all of the fear myself and then some. I already mentioned how he chased a bird last week. Well since then he has also woken up before everyone else in the family, gone down to the kitchen gotten a strawberry and a knife to cut the stem off (since that's what Mommy always does). My hubby heard some scuffling, and found him with the knife on our couch "stabbing" it (thankfully it wasn't a sharp knife and didn't break through). Little man was nice enough to point out that it was okay that he was using the knife because it was "a small knife, Dad!".

Ugh-I can feel those gray hairs coming. Plus we're trying to teach him the importance of using our words instead of getting physical, ie: saying "I'm mad." instead of hitting someone. My daughter gave us a few scares at this age, but he has given us more scares in one week than I think she ever has given us! I know every child is different, and I love his moxie, but he is driving his Momma up the wall! I am watching him like a hawk, but he still manages to climb on everything and anything in his reach. I am SO happy that he is sleeping now so that I can relax (a little!). I think I'm going to go sit down with a (much deserved) glass of wine. I've attached a video of the kids at the park-notice how after the car honks, little guy looks back at Sis and then hits her with the stick. See why I'm getting gray?

Week's End Update

Hello Strangers! Sorry that it's taken me so long to post, it just has been a VERY long week. Let me give a quick rundown of the most memorable moments, and I'm off to be with family (you'll understand better in a moment)

1. I lost my little guy on Tuesday-we were outside painting, he was going toward the front of our house and I went to set down my paint roller to go get him-then he was gone. I cannot explain the gut wrenching feeling that overtook me. I searched frantically in the nearby yards, neighbors, and called my sister as I knew she was nearby also. Then, like a miracle he was there he told me that he was "chasing a bird" Little man was followed by a guardian angel-a senior man from one block down was following him and very forcefully reminded me of how bad I mother I was to lose my child. I didn't need any reminding-I felt like the worst mother in the whole world. Now I know what those mothers mean when they say "I just turned around for a minute." I still hyperventilate thinking about it now. I know a couple of very important things now- Junior is now not afraid to leave our yard or cross the street-so as they say in one of the Harry Potter books "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" (not that I was letting him run willy nilly before, but he's fearless and the next point is:) , little man is MUCH faster than I ever gave him credit for. I have never had this happen with my daughter (she's too pokey), so it's a new experience that I hope I NEVER have to go through again.

2. I got to chaperone at my daughter's school field trip-that was a fun experience, and I didn't lose a single child (seriously, I was on those poor seven year olds like flies on honey-they might have felt a little smothered, but too bad.) My girl said that it was the "best field trip ever". I 'd like to think that part of that was because I was able to go-if I was working that might not have been the case.

3. My grandmother passed away early yesterday. It's so hard to see my mother having to let go of her mother. She just stopped by and seems to be holding up well, but of course I worry-she's my mom. We are taking the kids over to her place for dinner tonight (one of her friends provided a big pot of sloppy joes and all the fixin's)-so I'm looking forward to getting to spend some more time with her. I wish I would have spent more time with my grandmother-I feel like I don't know who she was very well-that's probably what's the hardest for me.

Well, that's the three major bullet points of my week in random order-obviously I've had some frayed nerves and with the visitation/funeral happening tomorrow, there will be more to come. If you pray, say a little one for my family?

What I woke up to this morning.

Apparently the little guy was more alert this morning than the rest of the family. When our alarm went off (and my hubby hit the snooze like usual) I settled back in for our "Five more". I was just starting to drift off when I heard some noises coming from down in our dining room... Uh oh. On a school day (and really most days) this is NOT a welcoming sound. It means that either my seven year old woke up and decided to make breakfast for everyone instead of getting dressed and making her bed like she's supposed to do on school days OR the little rascal is foraging!

I made it down the stairs in double time to find him sitting at the dining room table with a cup with hot cocoa mix in it, dipping his fingers in it and also, a carton of ice cream (thankfully nearly empty to begin with). Of course he had chocolate all over his face! At least he had his dairy group. I think what cracked me up the most was that he was eating his ice cream with a miniature child's whisk.

It was definitely a way to wake up-not necessarily good, but a way. I actually had a hard time hiding my giggles while hubby explained to little guy why ice cream and cocoa aren't the best breakfast choices. So have a great night-and if you need a pick-me-up in the morning, there's always dry cocoa and ice cream-via whisk!

Rollercoaster of life.

Happy Mother's day to all the Momma's out there. I hope it was a good one for everyone. I've had kind of a crazy/weird/sad/busy week. Let me see if I can bring everyone up to speed.

First off, my Grandmother is in the hospital not doing well, they've called in Hospice. If anyone has lost a loved one, they might know what calling in Hospice means.. I visited her shortly yesterday morning and she was in a lot of pain at the time. It's very sad to watch this going on-I wasn't closest with my Grandmother, but I love her, and I hate seeing my Mother go through losing her Mother. Umm.... Not going to talk anymore about that right now, it makes me too sad..

On a bright note, my sister, my nephew and I had an interview with a reporter from the local paper about our Walk Now for Autism-happening this upcoming Saturday in Chicago. The article is set to print tomorrow, so I'm anxious to see how it turns out.

Another shining point in my week was taking my daughter to our church's Mother Daughter Banquet. This year the entertainment was a Talent Show. My daughter was slated to sing while her cousin played piano. She had been very nervous when she was first asked to perform, so I told her I would do something for the talent show, also. So, I've been practicing for weeks on my guitar. The big night was Friday, and I performed "Yellow" by Coldplay, a song that I have sung to my dear girl since she was just a somersaulter in my tummy. I admit that I messed up, but I kept going-and I was so proud to show my girl that it's okay to get out of your comfort zone and keep going. I was quite proud of my little singer, too-both the girls did a great job!

Today was another crazy day as my girl and her cousin hosted a bake sale after church to raise funds for our walk. Also, I was liturgist for the first time ever-talk about being out of my comfort zone this week! After church we had a quick lunch, then headed to one of our favorite parks to attempt a hike-I was actually surprised-the little guy handled it fairly well-though the hubby did have to carry him some. Everyone in our family was tired and a little cranky tonight, so it was early bedtime for everyone (apparently even hubby-he was snoring away while I watched a "chick flick").

While I sat in bed trying to read, then thinking about sleeping, but not even trying because I know it's not going to come to me right now, I just feel so jumbled with my emotions. I don't know whether I'm happy or sad. Why does life (and death) have to be so complicated-our emotions get to jumbled.... I'm usually the type of gal that wears her heart on her sleeve-you can usually tell exactly what I feel. Right this moment I'm just feeling alone. The house is too quiet (other than the snores). I'm almost contemplating waking hubby up, just so I can have a good listener to hear me.. Or even just his arms to hold me. I shouldn't wake him, but it IS still officially Mothers day for another 20 minutes, AND he failed to give me the one gift I asked him for (just to fix an old palm pilot of his that I like to play games on)-just plain forgot... We'll see, I might just have vented enough now to fall asleep on my own.

Anyways, hug your Mommas-they're precious commodities, and we're blessed to have them.

Oxymorons

It seemed like this weekend was full of Oxymoron's. No, I don't mean dumb people who use that oxy cleaner, I mean when contradictory terms appear side by side.

For instance, we had the privilege of babysitting my niece (3) and nephew (1) yesterday. Since we had all of my father-in-law's grandkids here, we invited him to dinner. Also, we had most of the neighborhood kids in our yard for a neighborhood baseball game (I love my neighborhood!). So, preparing all the sides for dinner (hubby grilled the meat) while having the three youngest kids in the house & everyone whooping it up outside (Grandpa got to pitch)-that seemed a lot like organized chaos! We had so much fun-and the kids (and grown-ups) were wiped by bedtime.

Today we went to a barbecue at my sister's house and got to meet my mothers new friend (do I dare say boyfriend?). It was such a great day-we had great food, the kids played and got muddy, and the grown ups even played a short game of kickball. The best part of the day was a little later on-my sister had some CD's playing in the garage that my nephew loves. He is the special guy I mention in my post about Walking for Autism now. He got SO excited over some of the songs, he would dance and his smile was so huge. He'd be in this euphoric state and then he'd look at me, and I'd be there, too. The kid just takes my breath away-I love him so much! To add also that I was just having a blast playing with all of the kids this weekend-my own and the nieces and nephews (and my big kid-hubby too)..

It felt blissfully painful or painfully blissful. Just knowing that those moments are magic, and they don't last forever. I remember when I was a young girl, I LOVED the song "Puff the Magic Dragon". It would always make me cry. I was a child and not quite old enough to understand why it upset me so, but I know now it's because that song has put into words so beautifully the grief that you can feel over the undeniable passage of time-children grow up, parents grow old, parents eventually leave us...

I know this magic I felt might not be with us forever, and it's not like times are easy for everyone and/or anyone, but when I feel like my heart has gotten so full that its going to burst, I'm going to take a deep breath, take it all in and count my blessings.

Mother May I???

Happy May Day everyone! This first day of May, 2009 has brought about in me... Sheer exhaustion!! I have been a busy bee the past couple of weeks doing one or two spring cleaning items a day-which pretty much has taken up my "golden hour" of little guys naptime. Add to that the fact that we've been outside playing most of the afternoon/evening, (Plus I was up a little late with some girlfriends last night) I'm just beat!

This week I got to have lunch with one of my closest friends-a coworker from my old office. As she was venting (like we always would do) about stress, schedules, etc... I realized "Hey, I don't miss this at all!" Not that I don't miss her, and the other friends I made at my office, but the stress is not missed at all. The next day I stopped into the branch that my old boss works in to drop off a copy of my Autism Now letter (see Why I walk for Autism Now post)-it was kind of uncomfortable. She saw that I was carrying a folder, and I wonder if she thought I was going to beg for my old job.... It could just be me and my mindset, though. Oh well, not really a concern. It was nice getting to see old friends, but I'm doing just fine with my new "subordinates" (haha!)

And to confirm my realization about my new job, we gave out May baskets today! This is a huge deal considering that for the past 8 years, I have managed to get May baskets made, but it was always at the end of a stressful last day of the month (something quite significant in real estate in our area). This meant that though my kids may have enjoyed making and delivering the baskets-I was just going through the motions, just trying to get it done so that I could have "my time". This year I didn't even realize that it was the "end of the month" until April 30th. Not that I didn't know and prepare for May Day, just that the last day of the month means nothing to me now-it was just a Thursday.

It's kind of freeing to be able to just think about the family. We thoroughly enjoyed May day-and I'm one tired Momma!

Take me home country road.

This weekend our family visited one of my most favorite places in the whole wide world. It was opening weekend at our family trailer. We made the 2 1/2 hour drive north to help our extended family clean & repair our beloved vacation spot. This is a place where my grandparents stayed every summer, we would go and visit them at least one week every year, usually much more often than that. I can tell we're there even if I'm blindfolded-I never forget the welcoming smell of woods and river that greets us as soon as we turn off the highway and into the trailer park.

This year was interesting, as we shared the trailer with my sister and her family. We had 5 kids and 4 adults under one roof and it was raining most of the time while we were there. Even with those odds, we managed to have a great time. My father and step-mother got a room at the local hotel, so after the majority of our work was done yesterday we headed over the hotel pool. EVERYBODY swam and had a great time-even my grandmother had a part in the fun. After swimming (and putting kids directly in to jammies-we're no dummies), Dad bought pizza for the whole lot of us and we ate in the loft/balcony lounge that overlooks the pool area. After supper, it was time for bed for the kiddies (like you didn't see that one coming)-we took the kids back the trailer and they were out with minimal struggle (only my little guy was difficult).

The grown-ups had a couple of beers and watched bad TV as the trailer doesn't get a lot of stations in. Sis and I had a lot of fun making fun of the bad 80's martial arts movie that the big guys were watching. It was so much fun to just hang out and relax-I always feel relaxed when I'm there.

As I unpacked today, I realized that I didn't even have to get into the emergency cache of activities I packed for our rainy weekend. The kids knew that this place is home, and they took full advantage of that fact-no major meltdowns or blow-ups from any of them.

The only time there was any stress was probably when it was time to go. We were trying to clean the trailer, keep it clean and keep the kids from going into the cleaned areas while loading the cars and getting kids out the door-You parents out there know what that's like! So we said goodbye to the spruced up trailer. And we look to the next time when we can get back to our little mobile home.

I Enjoy Being a Mom.. er... ah.. I mean a girl..

I mentioned something to my toddler the other day about Mommy being a girl. He looked me square in the eye and said plain as day "No! You're Mommy!" Well, he has that about right. As I have mentioned in a previous blog, now that I'm an at home mommy, I kind of stay in mommy mode at all times (IE: not much energy left for "extracurricular activities" with hubby at the end of the day). This point was reiterated today-I was folding laundry while the little guy was napping. I like listening to and "old" standards music station (Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Dinah Washington, etc..)-while listening, on came the tune "I Enjoy Being a Girl". I listened to the lyrics and had to chuckle to myself-I like doing a lot of the things mentioned in the song (fixing my hair, wearing fancy dresses), they just are not a priority at the time.

No wonder I'm not feeling very romantic these days-boogers as an accessory are not that attractive. So, I had an epiphany... If I'm not feeling like a "dream girl" or pinup (like I was ever one of those to begin with-ha!), I'll "fake it until I make it". Now get your heads up out of the gutter and the jaws off the ground people. All I did was write a simple letter to my husband. See, I had the time (napping toddler) to sit and think of some passionate things to say-so I put them down on paper. I figured that if I can write a passionate love letter to hubby, and place it in a place that I know he won't come across until nearly bedtime (right in front of his toothpaste in the medicine cabinet)-he'll read it and perhaps know that I mean business.

The interesting factor to this is that my husband is basically a robot, so this almost feels like a science experiment (and I'm the mad scientist, right?). I have no idea how he will react to this. I mean this is the man that responded once to my (failed) attempt to be sexy like on TV by mentioning that I didn't have any "drawers" on (no I didn't call them that, but I'm trying to not creep you guys out too much!) by FREAKING out. "Great!" he said, "now I gotta worry about your dress flying up all night and people seeing." Bear in mind that we were on the way to his class reunion, so I can understand, but I was disappointed, to say the least. It wasn't the way I imagined the evening to begin.. By the way, the dress did NOT fly up-I knew it wouldn't.

So, how will the robot react to the bait? And how will the mad scientist react to the robots reaction? Will batman live to fight another day? Tune in same bat time, same bat channel.. Or should I say same GIRL channel??

A couple of surprising things I would never have known.

If I hadn't recently become a SAHM (this stands for Stay At Home Mom-the first thing I didn't know until after my change in career), there are a few things I think I never would have realized. I've listed some below:

1. A Mom's gotta do what a Mom's gotta do. Whether it be dealing with mud, spaghetti, poo or peeps, we sometimes have to get a little (or a lot) dirty and just get the job done.

2. Easter grass does NOT vacuum up well. In fact-it doesn't vacuum at all-it just wraps around the vacuum "wheel" enough times to stop the vacuum and nearly start a fire. Not only does it do that, but when you attempt to clean it out of the vacuum cleaner, you end up with a lot of dusty grass falling out that your 2 year old proceeds to pick up and put BACK into the Easter basket because "Isn't that where it goes??" Now, I'm talking about the non-environmentally healthy plastic grass that they had when I was a kid and (unfortunately) still sell today as opposed to the much nicer recycled paper grass that is becoming more and more popular-that stuff seems to vacuum up fine. Not that I'm going to throw a bunch around to test the theory! I would like to propose that we just do without Easter grass at all-life could be so much easier, No Easter grass, no glitter, No Christmas tree pine needles, okay I'm going a little overboard here, so I'll move on.

3. Fingernails are an effective tool for removing dog poo from the bottom of a toddler's tennie shoe. Umm... Not much to say here other than Eww.. I know you're cringing at me right now, but please refer to number one and maybe you'll understand?

4. And on that note-one unfortunate side effect to being a stay home mommy is that sometimes after dealing with a toddler scrabbling over me all day, and things such as dog poo (as mentioned above)... Well, let's just say that most nights when I go to bed anymore, I want to sleep. I'm very fortunate that I have a kind and patient husband that loves me just as I am. However, I'm sometimes unhappy with myself or my ahem.. "drive"-as it's a pretty big change from how I used to be in that department a year or so ago. Okay, now that I've grossed everyone out way too much, I'll move on... "Next?"

5. There are often surprising opportunities that occur for us SAHMs. Such as my neighbor called me up and let me know that a zoo that is only an hour away is having free admission this week, perhaps we could ride together with our boys and take a picnic lunch tomorrow? Of course, these are exactly the things that my hubby and I were talking about when we decided we're going to try to "ride out" the mommy bus as long as possible.

One of my favorite words is "Serendipity" it is defined as "good luck in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries." That is what a lot of my days are like-serendipitous. I just never know what new discovery that my little guy (or my big girl, too) are going to help me uncover. Yes, it's NOT perfect, I get dirty (eat your heart out Mike Rowe), I get treated like a jungle gym, I sometimes get hit, or kicked, or sometimes yelled at. You know what they say, "It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it." Well, for the time being, that "somebody" is me. I've GOT to do this job-I need to soak it in and revel in it for as long as I can, for even if I find I don't financially need to go back to work, the kids will grow up eventually. I feel it like the humidity of a distant thunderstorm-they'll leave me someday. So, for today, and tomorrow and (hopefully) the days after, I'm going to be here, waiting to see how they'll surprise me next.

Give me a Vegemite sandwhich or make that 4!

I'm not even completely sure what all is in Vegemite, but it sounds like it would have lots of vitamins in it. I'm willing to try anything right now to keep my family healthy. My kids still have their perpetual sniffles and occasional cough. Then my hubby and I had to "kick it up a notch" yesterday by coming down with food poisoning!

I've about had it with all this illness in my household. It has become a point of contention between hubby and I as we disagree how to handle the kids getting sick all of the time. I think that it's been enough to merit a call to the Dr. for at least a blood test to check blood cell/platelet counts and/or allergy tests. I think the least we can do is to explain to the doc how often the kids are getting sick and see if HE thinks it's something to worry about testing for right now. Hubby just thinks that the kids have bad luck with getting sick. And especially since money is tight-he doesn't want to spend way too much money on unnecessary tests. We actually got in a nice argument about this a couple of weeks ago, and I think we have agreed to disagree.

I was willing to let the topic lie low for a little bit, until my sister and mother both brought up the subject of my little sickos, and asked if I was going to talk to a doctor about it. Well, that about pushed me over the edge. I spent an hour and a half the next morning (that I could have been sleeping since hubby wasn't working) surfing Mayo clinic to look up symptoms. It doesn't look likely that they would have radon poisoning, or Carbon dioxide since those are definitely more severe symptoms-so I relaxed a little. It IS possible that they have an allergy to dust mites, or some form of anemia, or hay fever.

So, for the next month I am doing one of the things hubby suggested-keeping a daily log of my children's health (guess what-for the past week they have had runny noses and coughs). When my big girl has her "well child" checkup next month I will have at least a months worth of symptoms to show the doctor and he can help us decide if we need further testing or not. The good news is that my kids don't let their colds stop them-they just keep going as if nothing's wrong. They're probably so used to snotty noses that it doesn't bother them anymore. Don't be surprised in a month when I have more info to post about sick kids and their road to recovery.

What's it all about?

Our church had a Maundy Thursday service in preparation of Easter this week. My husband then asked me-now what happened on Maundy Thursday? My seven year old and I proceeded to take turns reading out loud a great book we found at the library. It's called "The Very First Easter" by Paul L. Maier. It is such a good book at breaking down the Easter story in easier to understand terms for little ones. I was so impressed with it that I may use it for my Jr./Sr. High Sunday school class tomorrow. I've attached a copy here, the front cover gives you an example of the awesome illustrations that are within (sorry about the camera glare. With that said, I wish everyone Happy Easter! Oh, and by the way-my dear hubby now knows that Maundy Thursday is the celebration/remembrance of the Last Supper. Even old men (teehee) can learn something new.

Boys will be...

I reached a low note yesterday in my mothering "gig". My big girl is off school this week for Easter break-so I've been trying to make it as fun as possible for the three of us. In other words, I'm trying to keep us all from driving ourselves bonkers. While I was making the kids' favorite lunch, Mac N Cheese, they played in our family room. I called them to lunch and we all dug in we all enjoyed our lunch and each others company.

After I was finished eating I traipsed into the family room to see what the kids had been up to before lunch... Uh oh-there was Easter grass ALL over my family room (something I can actually understand-it IS fun to play with). I calmly let the kiddos know that they needed to clean it up while I was cleaning up from lunch. A few minutes later I ducked in to check-my little guy was throwing the grass around still (or again however you look at it)! I reminded the kids of what they needed to be doing-and they started collecting grass.

I bent down to pick up some books that were also on the ground when I realized-they were library books that my little guy had somehow found a marker and marked all over the cover of. I told him how that is NOT okay, we don't color on books, and I took the books to the kitchen to attempt to clean (luckily they cleaned easy). I then took the books back into the family room to discover my toddler once again throwing grass around like a flower girl. That's when I discovered the REST of the library books. They had been colored on also (all the while little man is singing and playing with the grass)! That is when I lost my temper-I yelled and dropped the books loudly on the ground so they would draw attention to MOM. I know it was ridiculous to get so worked up over books-but I love reading so much that I want my kids to feel attached to books also. It was almost like I saw my kid hurting some old friends. Silly, I know, but that's how it felt. I told my little guy to go to his room. I cleaned the book covers (once again they easily cleaned-thank goodness it must have been a washable marker.)

I then decided to go talk rationally to my little guy. That's when I realized that the poor little fellow was so startled by my sudden outburst that he was hiding under his bed. Guess who felt like the worst momma in the world? Well, I apologized of course. I then explained again about how we don't color on books and how if he did it again we would have to stop going to the library until he was old enough to understand this. He's only 2 1/2 so I don't know how much he understood, but I can only hope.

I guess I just had to let everyone know that I am not a perfect mom, but I'm trying to be the best mommy I can for my kids. On a lighter note-we had one of our nephews sleepover last night. It was pretty fun watching how he and our little guy interact. Of course our toddler wants to be just like his big cousin, and followed him around all day and night. I just had to share how the (almost) five year old woke us up this morning-it was about 20 minutes before our alarm was supposed to ring. "Bumpy" (that's what he calls my husband) he said loudly as he shook my husbands head, "Bumpy, it's time to wake up." "Good news Bumpy, Nate was sleeping, but I just woke him up!" Good news indeed. Gotta love them boys!

Goin' to the chapel

What and exciting weekend our family had. We were invited to a wedding on Saturday, all four of us. After thinking about the invitation for a moment or two we decided that we would take our daughter with us since she is older, but the little guy needed to stay with family (not that he was complaining-he got to sleepover with three older cousins-one of which he pretty much idolizes right now).

To make things interesting, my hubby was asked to be photographer for the wedding/reception. He is an awesome (in my opinion which IS biased) amateur photographer and since the bride and groom were aware of this, they decided to save themselves some stress and money by having a friend do the job. Of course hubby was VERY nervous about the task-these were peoples WEDDING pictures, mind you! In fact, as soon as we got home last night, he had to look at all 667 (give or take) pictures to make sure he didn't mess up, and guess what?? He didn't! I think he did a fantastic job (once again, biased) that the bride and groom will be very happy with.

I knew my hubby was going to be busy all day/night at the wedding, I was really looking forward to spending some quality time with my big girl. Well, nature just doesn't work that way, and wouldn't you know it, she started to feel VERY tired during the ceremony. I tried to revive her in between the wedding and reception by taking her for some pie (and coffee for me of course!), but nothin' doin'. All she wanted to do was sleep-so for the hour it took for the wedding party to get to the reception-she slept in the backseat of our car in the parking lot of the hotel/reception hall. Once the wedding party arrived, I was lucky enough to get permission from my brother-in-law for sweetpea to use their hotel bed to take a nap. That's pretty much where she was for the rest of the night.

Since my brother-in-law and his wife were part of the wedding party, they had my sister-in-law's sister come along so that she could stay in the hotel room with their two young children. Thank goodness she was nice enough to watch my sleeping beauty also, so that I could go out and enjoy some of the celebration. Knowing she was asleep I was able to relax and have a fun time, but I was missing her every second. My girl has a lot of pizzazz so it was hard not to see her out on the dance floor. Several people mentioned how they missed her. I remember being her age and going to weddings and feeling like they were something magical, so it's also a bummer she missed that. In fact, I'm ALMOST thirty-five and this wedding still seemed magical to me-you can just tell when it's the right fit and this couple is DEFINITELY the right fit. I just hope that sleeping beauty can find her prince someday (a long time from now) and experience the magic for herself (did I mention a long time from now??)

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson

I made a disturbing revelation yesterday that I just can't shake the thought of....

Okay, so I have to admit that I am a "Twilight" fan-my sister and sister-in-law pretty much twisted my arm to start on the books, and guess what? I actually love them-I didn't want to-I usually like to go in the path of least resistance when choosing a book, but sometimes I just can't help myself and I gravitate to the bestsellers. So I have read book 1, 2 & 3 and am currently working on book 4 (Breaking Dawn). Well, you can imagine that I was pretty excited when the movie for the first book was finally released on DVD (moms don't get to go the the theaters much). I borrowed my sister's copy on Sunday and hubby and I watched it after the kids went to bed that night. Okay, I watched and he mostly slept, but other than his snoring over the movie I didn't mind.

One of the characters in the movie I enjoyed seeing was "Jacob Black" , he has a pretty small role in this movie, but I'm sure we'll be seeing more of him in the next movie. The actor playing him was likable and familiar and I have to admit I kind of thought he was cute. (Now, he was no "Edward"-NO ONE can be Edward-you fellow Twilight fans know what I mean). So, yesterday I kept thinking of how familiar "Jacob" looked. Did I see him in something else?? I'm kind of a movie buff so when I can't figure these things out I get irked, then I go online. I go to my usual website of choice when these conundrums are upon me- Internet movie database . com (imdb.com). After a quick lookup of the cast & crew I found the actor that plays Jacob, then I clicked on his list of past works and.....

Dun dun dun.....

OMG (to sound like the teenybopper I should be) he's Sharkboy! Sharkboy and Lavagirl is a movie that came out a few years ago-I didn't even know what it was until this fall. That's when my (then 6 year old) girl first caught sight of it while watching Disney Channel one Saturday evening-she was hooked. The next weekend we just HAD to rent it from the video store-and wouldn't you know it, it came in 3D too! She was really hooked then. We watched the whole thing together with our cute little glasses on-while little bro ran about the room waving his in the air. She then formed what I consider the closest thing to a crush that a 6 year old can have for Sharkboy-one scene in particular she tried to describe to me how it made her feel when Sharkboy is hurt-it almost brought a tear to my eye. Of course she asked for a copy of the movie for her birthday, and of course one of our relatives obliged.

So you can imagine how disturbing it is for me to think the same boy is cute that my 7 year old daughter thinks is cute! My only consolation is that as I mentioned before, Sharkboy and Lavagirl was made 5 (?) years ago-the actor has definitely grown up quite a bit since then. I'm sure this won't be the last time that both my girl and I think the same actor or singer or athlete is cute, but it's definitely the first time. I think I better stop watching movies-or maybe she and I need to watch more together??

I don't even know what to say.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't even aware of what is happening outside my little house and my little town. My heart goes out to the family of the little girl that was so cruelly murdered by her brother. I just don't get people. I wish I could just stay away from the news and stop hearing all of these horrible stories! I'm hugging my kids a little closer tonight. I promise my next post will be longer and more uplifting-just can't bring myself to say anymore right now. Except maybe that if you pray, please do so for that family, and for all families. Lord knows we could all use a little prayer.

These are a few of my favorite things.

I love seeing what makes other peoples lives easier. Especially people in a situation like my own (stay-at-home mother trying to save money, yet have fun wither her family). I thought I'd list a few of the things that I have found that I can't live without now that I'm the housefrau momma:

1. My library card-little man and I go at least every other week, more often as the weather gets nicer-they have toys, puzzles, a DRINKING FOUNTAIN (something everyone under 5 understands is a huge asset), CDs, movies, and they even have books, too! I love stocking up on fun books to read with the kids (or to have the seven year old read to her brother-like that isn't adorable!)

2. My Crock Pot slow cooker and my "Fix it and Forget it Lightly" cookbook. I like to eat healthy, but I also don't have a lot of time to be standing over a stove (too curious of an audience at that time of day)-so the slow cooker is a must have for our house.

3. Our local Aldis-I was skeptical at first-but they have won me over on so many occasions. I love their ketchup (just like my favorite name brand), their cottage cheese, their havarti cheese, their string cheese-pretty much any of their dairy, and I LOVE their $2.99 per bottle Winking Owl Cabernet Sauvignon. I know, I know-a three dollar bottle of wine?? But seriously folks, I've had $30 bottles that aren't as good-so why knock it? Plus, doing some of my shopping at Aldis has been a factor in my ability to cut our grocery bill in half. (I must also give props to my other favorite local grocer-Krogers-that's where I do the majority of my shopping-love their 10 for $10 deals!)

4. My clear plastic cover over my tablecloth. I have to admit that this one still kind of bugs me. It's something that hubby's grandma always did, and he convinced me to try it. I'm not thrilled with the way it looks-but I'm getting used to it, and I was surprised just how much I love being able to wipe away those crumbs pronto!

5. My coffee. Gotta have it-need I say more?

6. My sewing machine-I really do enjoy making things with my hands. Right now I'm working on my daughter's Easter dress (no pressure, right?)-and I just love watching something come together bit by bit. I'll make dresses for her until the day she tells me (and I know it's coming-sniffle) "Mom-can't you just buy me a dress, it's kind of embarrassing to where home-made."

7. My blog-I had no idea how therapeutic it is to be able to express myself. I know there are other people out there that read my words and understand, and might even like what I have to say-how cool is that?

8. My church-I love our new pastor-he's really doing some great things for our church. I always feel better about things after I've gone to church-it's a great way to start our Sunday. Over the past year I have become more involved with Sunday School, Nursery, Junior Church and now the choir-I might be becoming a church junkie (haha!)

9. My family-My wonderful husband and my two smart, cute (of course I think so) and hilarious kids. I wouldn't be me without them. That's not true, I would be me, but not a version of me I'd like to hang out with. I kind of like this funny, able to laugh at herself person I've become over the past few months. I just remembered the other day how a year ago at this time I had my first panic attack-It was after a crazy busy day at the office.... Not having any of those anymore. I think I'm exactly where I need to be at this time.

Mean people suck.

It's so hard for a blindly optimistic person to stay "up" sometimes. The past two days have been a little tough for me. Yesterday we took the kids to Pizza Hut so that my oldest could use her "Bookit" coupon she earned by reading. We were having a great time until the family two tables down started to distract us. Was it the crying children that bothered me? No, it was the just plain MEAN parents that REALLY bothered me. They were very loudly chastising their 6 young children-Not one positive thing was said by them the whole time.

Now don't get me wrong, I lose my temper at times and might raise my voice on occasion, but I would never say the things they were saying to ANYONE-let alone my children. Things like "You better shut up your mouth or I'm going to kick your butt." Now that could very likely be an empty threat, which would explain why the kids kept at it. However, I just think there's a better way to get your kids to quiet down. It seemed like they were just feeding fuel to the fire.

I thought about what I should do-I couldn't just watch the verbal abuse and not say anything (it's not in my nature-though I am very non confrontational, so you can imagine how uncomfortable I was feeling at the time). I finally decided to go with the nicest possible route I could go. I walked over and told the mother "Your children are beautiful." She replied with a "Thank you." I then followed up with "You're very blessed." I just hoped that either she would realize that she truly is blessed to have her children-there are so many out there that want for what they have. I hoped for that, or for maybe a little bit of "Mommy guilt" to kick in and start working its magic-the way it tends to do. I know with my head that what I did probably made no difference at all for that family. But my blindly optimistic heart is going to tell my head to think otherwise.

Return of Suzy Homemaker-or Jittery Joan

I have been a busy little bee today. I feel so fulfilled,and we haven't even gotten to dinner yet! I managed to get my workout in this morning. The little guy and I then had our monthly meeting with our Parents as Teachers lady-today we played with play dough AND finger paints during our meeting. I just love our Parents as Teachers program-if there is one in your area and you have under 5yr old children-I suggest you take full advantage of this awesome program.

After our meeting we played some games, had our lunch and wouldn't you know, the little guy fell asleep on his own today. It's so nice when I don't have to coerce him into his nap! Since he snoozed on his own, I took full advantage and sat down to have my third (yes, you heard me, my third) cup of coffee. I usually am a two cup kind of girl, so to have a third was definitely pushing the envelope for me-what kind of monstrous results would come from this brazen act???

Let's just say that when my daughter got home from school and little guy woke up simultaneously, we ate some yogurt, I cleaned out the yogurt cups, we then planted green pepper seeds in the yogurt cups and gave them a drink. You would think this would be enough excitement for one afternoon, but no. I then cleaned up the table and got out the supplies to make a homemade snake shaped draft stop for my daughter's closet door. (Kudos to Family Fun magazine for that idea) The kids loved pouring the rice into the cut tight leg until it was full. I then hot glued googly eyes and a felt tongue on the stripey tight and we created a snake!

I still had some bubbly energy left, so I decided to spend a little of it on my blog. This may not be my most impressive post, but is definitely my most quickly written! The kids are watching a video, and hubby just walked in the door-so that means I need to move my attention to the cooking now. Will I do three cups of coffee every day? No, I know my limitations, and I don't want to end up with a caffeine "problem". But it's good to know I can "kick it up a notch" on occasion. Okay, so maybe I do have a problem already-but don't tell anyone, except maybe Folgers coffee-I could use some coupons!

Little girls little girls

It seems like it's been forever since I have been able to post. We have had a crazy week in our house. The high point was definitely Friday morning. I raced downstairs to answer the early ringing phone. It was a phone call I was expecting. I was an Auntie again. A new little girl was born in the middle of the night. I woke up my daughter to ask her what she hoped her Aunt De had-her answer was predictable- "a girl". She was pleased as punch to hear that her hope was answered!

The plan was to make the two hour trip to visit the new baby as soon as my daughter got off school. Hubby took off work a couple hours early, and met us at home right before we embarked. I had the duty of getting a baby gift (and something for her big brother, too), filling up the car, getting snacks ready (a must have with kids), and getting drinks ready. What I forgot was that we also had library books due and a video due back to the video store. I also wanted to stop at the gym and get a workout first thing.... Can she do it folks???? YES SHE CAN! In fact, not only did I manage all of that, I also cleaned the car out, printed directions to the hospital, found a fun place for us to take our kids to dinner before heading home and got directions there and home. When my husband walked in the door, we were set to go!

All of my preparations made for a very pleasant drive, the kids watched a movie (okay one slept-little guy didn't get a chance to have his nap with all the errand running). We made it to the hospital with no problem. Our niece was just beautiful. I know I'm biased, but she is a gorgeous baby! We took a slew of pictures, of course. By the time we left an hour later, I had the smell of newborn on me, a camera full of photos and two HUNGRY kids. We ate our dinner (which was awesome by the way-a local deli filled with all kinds of fun things for the kids to look at.) and headed home.

Yesterday Vivian went to a sleepover at our neighbors house-it was one of their daughters' birthday. There were 10 girls there. As I watched those giggling girls run around from one room of the house to the next-I thought of my new niece and all of the fun stuff my step-sister is going to get to be a part of now that she has a little girl. Girls definitely wanna have fun. Then we headed home with our quiet (but aggressive) little guy and realized, that if the new baby had been a boy-that would have been a great blessing, also. My step-sister mentioned once when my daughter was born "You don't realize it, but every time a baby is born healthy-EVERY single time-it is a MIRACLE."

May the luck of the Irish be with ya.

It is beautiful where I live today, and it makes me think of that old Irish "May the sun always be on your back, and the road rise up to meet you." (or something like that). I had grand plans for this sunny St. Patrick's Day-the little guy and I took big sis to school, went to the YMCA so I could workout while he played in the Y Wee care, then we were going to get some groceries, stop at "Grandma's" bank and head home to enjoy the weather outside right up until naptime. Unfortunately, my Irish luck ran out-little man took a tumble in the Y Wee care and hurt his lip, so they brought him to me.

It was a good thing that we left the Y early though, for when we pulled into the grocery store parking lot, my cell phone was ringing-Guess who? The school-Dear daughter had a headache and a fever (I need to get a bubble for that girl!) So now our day is pretty much indoors resting. We are trying to make the most of it-we got some McDonalds for "second breakfast". Tasting Shamrock Shakes brings me back to one of my favorite St. Patty's days-one before I had children.

It was just Hubby and I back then. Us and our furry "son", Lucky dog. It was a warm day that time also, and I took Lucky for a walk a soon as I got home from work-we walked along a canal that was a block away from our duplex-I can still smell the fresh spring air! When I got back to the apartment, Hubby was home, we also had our friend Josh visiting from out of town. After a little primping (before children I was actually able to fix my hair), we headed to Kelly's, a locals favorite for corned beef cabbage and green beer. What I will never forget is that Josh bought me my first pint of Guinness that night. At first I thought it was the most disgusting drink I'd ever tasted-it was like cold coffee, only more bitter. I'm sure Hubby and Josh enjoyed watching the faces I made as I tried to choke it down. But by the bottom of the glass, I had been converted. I still prefer dark beer to this day. We had so much fun, playing darts and enjoying the atmosphere, the camaraderie (isn't everyone "a wee bit" Irish on St. Patrick's day?) and the great food. When it was time to leave the bar, we weren't quite ready to call our little party quits. That's when the boys decided that I needed to try one more delicious first. I had my first Shamrock Shake that night. It was delicious-what more can I say?

Now that I'm a mommy and count calories and my first concern is definitely NOT drinking beer for St. Patrick's day anymore-I like to think back to that night. In a way things were simpler then-We only worried about ourselves. I would never want to go back, though. My children are my "pot of gold". Our evening will probably consist of green french toast and corned beef hash (what kid doesn't love breakfast for supper?), but in my heart I'll be lifting a pint of Guinness.

Why I walk for Autism Now.

I walk for Noah. Noah is my nephew. He has a twin brother, Isaac and a big sister named Chloe. His parents are my sister, Carrie and her husband, Rich. Like all families, they have joys and struggles. Noah adds to the joy and the struggle both. Noah has autism.

I am participating in a walk sponsored by Autism Speaks in Chicago on May 16th. This organization is instrumental in helping families with autistic children. They provide educational resources, have lobbied for legislation in my state to pass a law making autism covered by health insurance. They fight for the rights of autistic children and their families. We (our team supporting Noah) are so looking forward to taking him to this event. Any funds raised for the walk go to Autism Speaks, who have done and continue to do so much for families dealing with this struggle and joy.

I have seen Noah when he has had a "melt down" in public and started kicking and screaming, drawing glares from passersby. I have seen my sister try to comfort her son under the disapproving eyes of others. I walk for Noah.

I walk for a loving precious boy who can get so excited when he's happy that he flaps his arms feverishly. I walk for that big smile that melts my heart. I walk for when he greets me with a "Hi Pinchy" and my whole world stops for that one moment. I walk for Noah.

I walk for his family, who have made sacrifices most families would never (and should never have to) make. The times that one parent needs to take Noah home away from holiday gatherings, because it is just too much for him. And the outings and vacations that they haven't been able to take because Noah would not be able to enjoy himself. I walk to help make the world aware of the struggles that a family faces when dealing with the medical costs of Autism. I walk for Noah.

I walk for Noah... But not just for Noah, for every other child out there that is like him. Every child deserves a chance to reach their full potential-I walk for them, too. Even if you feel you cannot contribute monetarily at this time, I ask one more thing of you. Next time you're in line at the grocery store and the child in the cart in front of you doesn't respond when you ask him his name or his age, or next time you're at McDonald's and the child behind you won't stop repeatedly screaming "FRENCH FRIES....FRENCH FRIES", please remember that may be my nephew, Noah. He is not misbehaving, he is behaving the only way he knows how when the world becomes too big and he becomes too small. Try to see beyond the bad behavior to a sweet little boy who brings lots of joy and what can fee like unbeatable odds for his family. This is who I walk for, our Noah.

Thanks for reading about Noah. I don't normally advocate for funds/awareness on my blog, but this cause is very real and close to my heart. If you would like to make a donation, you can click here . Thank you again. I'll be back after the weekend with more displaced momma thoughts!

I know why they called the lady in the shoe old.

We were fortunate enough to have my husband's brother and his family come visit us this weekend. Since my brother & sister-in-law had a wedding shower to help host we even were able to babysit their kids. Their oldest is a beautiful blonde curly haired three year old girl who fears nothing (I called her fearless and her mom called her reckless). The baby is a toddling little guy(blonde again-they look nothing like my kids) that will be one in less than a week. He is definitely more attached to his mom right now as she is a stay-at-home mom also.

It was so fun to see our kids "mingle". I did feel bad for my daughter a few times as she is four years older than the oldest "little one", and did state a couple of times how playing with little kids wouldn't be how she would have chosen to spend her afternoon. The only other real problem we had was with MY son. The little stinker took full advantage of finally having someone smaller than him in the house. Every time he was upset or frustrated, he took it out on his little cousin-pushing and a couple of times hitting the poor unsuspecting tot. Let me tell you, that is NOT acceptable behavior in my house, and my little guy made contact with the naughty step several times that day.

In the long run, everyone survived. The in-laws returned to some (hopefully) happy, well nourished and (definitely) tuckered-out kids. It was so adorable to find the three oldest conked out in my bed "watching" the kid movie we put on for them! I have learned from this experience that, while I know we could handle having more children (and love watching any nieces or nephews we can get our hands on!), I don't want to be outnumbered. I love having my two kids. They are almost five years apart, which is both fun and a challenge at times. (It's almost like starting over when they're that far apart).

Now that my little guy is getting closer to three, there was a point when I thought for half a second that another baby might be fun (yeah, fun-that's the word). That thought didn't really stick, let's just say it's not our plan to have a larger family. It was a challenge Saturday to even get everyone's lunch made (and cleaned up) when we had four kids here. And that was with both my hubby and I present, if it wasn't the weekend, I would have been on my own. God bless the mothers of many-they must have better organizational skills than top ranking CEO's.

Why Grannies shouldn't skate

I've been away from the computer for few days, so I feel very "out of the loop." I've had good reason to be away, though....

I mentioned in my last post how we have several family birthdays in March. Along with birthdays come birthday parties. One particular party that I was looking forward to was my niece's roller skating party. Only girls were invited-which added to the element of fun as my daughter and I got to have some mother/daughter bonding time in addition to hanging out with a bunch of fun girls at the roller rink.

As the party started, the girls were off. Some were graceful as swans, and some were a little less coordinated. My daughter unfortunately was one of the latter. She actually did better when skating with one of the other grown ups instead of myself. For some reason we were just a bad combination-and before you knew it she'd be "scissoring" her legs, but going nowhere (or worse, falling on her tushy). My mother, however, was skating so gracefully around the rink that I almost felt envious (where did she get all that balance?).

Other than having some minor falls (mostly done by my gal), things were going pretty well. The skaters were going around for one last song before it was time to take a pizza break. My girl was actually going around the wall on her own, and I was enjoying skating alongside my sister and talking about how well the party was going. That's when we noticed our mother on the ground. She just had this look on her face that told us that things were not good. It was decided right away that I would take her to the hospital-my sister needed to stay until her daughter's party was over (I'm so glad that her sister-in-law was in town and able to be at the party to help her!)

My mother held her arm close to her the whole time we went through the proper procedures at the hospital (don't get me started on that). When it came time to actually look at her arm (her sleeve was covering it up) I got to see something I hope I never see again. Officially it was called a Colle's fracture. All I know is arms are not supposed to be "S" shaped-it's not natural!

So, I have been taking shifts with my sister for the past couple of days to care for my VERY independent mother. Let me tell you, it's not always easy taking care of a strong willed woman that thinks she should be able to do certain things herself. The icing on the cake was this morning when I had to leave her shortly to get my daughter to school-my mother took a bath with no one in the house. But, no harm was done, and I understand that this is hard for her.

What I have learned from this experience is: First, my mother is not indestructible (as much as I hate to admit it). Second, my mother is one of the bravest people I know (she faced some VERY severe pain with such grace it's astonishing). Third, my mother is NOT two years old (something my husband felt he needed to point out to me, as I may have been using some of the care I usually apply to our little guy towards my mom). Fourth, I am a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for (I even helped a nurse hold a splint in place on my moms mangled arm so she could wrap it up-something even my sister, usually the strong one, couldn't do).

Finally, when my granddaughter has a rollerskating party, I don't need to be the "cool" grandma. I can just keep on my tennies and walk the rink like all the other grandparents, because Grannies shouldn't skate.

Why didn't I buy stock in Kleenex??

I have officially joined the "Let's get February over with already" fan club. In our house we don't usually say we "hate" or "don't like" something. (For example the nutritious, sometimes slightly complex meals I "slave over"). In our house we say "It's not my favorite." if the meal or activity is something we don't care for. It's just a little thing that my husband started a couple of years ago to help take sting out of the occasional objections I get to the meals I prepare. With that in mind, I'd like to submit the following statement.

February is definitely NOT MY FAVORITE month. No offense February, but you kind of stink. Over the past 4 years it has always been the "sickest" month in our house. Since the beginning of February this year, we have had colds, stomach flu, a different strain of the stomach flu a week later and more colds.

I was so glad to start this week. I knew our luck was turning-March was on her way with multiple family birthdays, warmer weather (hopefully) and the beginning of spring-I could almost taste the fresh air....

And then my little guy started to get a runny nose (again). No biggie, we just took it easy for a couple of days-I can handle colds standing on my head. After a couple of days rest, we were ready to venture out into the wide world. We met my sister for coffee yesterday morning, and even made it to the mall to scout some presents for the upcoming birthdays. That's when I got the phone call.. "This is your daughter's school, could you please call us about her eye?" I'm thinking to myself.. "What eye?-her eyes were fine this morning."

Well, as I got to the school office and got my first glimpse of my gal I saw that her eye was definitely NOT FINE now. Her left eye looked like it had been out for an all night bender and back. It very much stood out next to her normal looking right eye. The nurse informed me that pinkeye was going around and kiddo needed to come home until I talked to the doctor and got her some drops. So that was our day yesterday. I climbed into bed last night thinking-well at least we're at the end of the month.

That's about when my little guy came down with his fever. 101 degrees isn't very high, but it sure feels like it when your the momma holding the kid in your arms all night. He was uncomfortable, I was uncomfortable, Daddy was uncomfortable. I think even "PINKY" came to join the fun at one point and mentioned something about her tummy hurting (the only time I've ever wondered if I could run straight through the wall like they do in the cartoons).

Thankfully, as the ashes settled this morning, a sort of clarity (and possibly sanity?) settled upon us. My girls eyes were looking like a normal persons and was able to go to school (the tummy ache had been heartburn-Tums took care of that). A quick visit to the doctor let us know that my little guy just had a mild infection in both ears. A not-so-quick (ugh!) visit to the drugstore got us the medicine he needed. And there you go-we're all on the road to recovery! I'm not even going to say how glad I am there are only two days left to this month. No offense, but Valentines Day just doesn't cut it in bringing up my opinion of this month-maybe when we're a little older and a little less (ahem) sickly... Of course, my husband is probably right when he says "If we didn't have February, then you wouldn't like March."

Can't keep a good gal down!

Man, this is one of those weeks that I'm GLAD there is church for Ash Wednesday tonight-I really need it! It started yesterday when I stopped by my (old) office to visit some of my friends. They seemed to be very busy and missing me so much. I figured it was time to put a feeler call out to my boss and see if she had any idea when I might be able to go back.

It took me a couple of hours to work up the nerve to make the call. (I think I already knew what I would hear and wanted to put it off for as long as possible). At first she said that she really can't tell me much at all. Things really haven't changed. Though they are busy, they think it is a very temporary rush that will pass. She then said that in order for them to call people back, especially part-time employees, it would take an immediate major upswing in the economy. She then said that if I need to work-I should probably start looking elsewhere.

Oh... Excuse me for a moment as I watch the last 7.5 years go out the window. All of my friends. One very special one that just gets me-gone. I know-I'm not dead and my life DEFINITELY was not only my work-I was part time for goodness sake! But I still gave a lot of myself to the company and now it's pretty much over with not even a card or flowers or even an acknowledgement from the big guys?

I think it's just the fear of the unknown that's really getting to me. My husband reassures me that we will be fine. And I have loved being home with my kids. I'm just afraid that I will HAVE to find a new job-to start over. My husband once again is looking at this as an opportunity. He's always an optimist. I usually am, too. That's the bummer about this situation. Some of the pessimists I know were proven right, which makes it hard for us blind optimists! I'm hangin' on, though!

I honestly wish that President Obama would start some sort of subsidy program for stay-at-home moms. Aren't we doing the best we can for our families? It's not like we need a lot. It would just be nice to still be able to take family vacations, go out to eat once in while, little things like that. But once again-we will be fine. We may need to make a few more adjustments, but there are a lot of other people out there that need our prayers. As my hubby's dear grandfather always used to say: "If you pray, why worry? If you worry, why pray?"

Love those Midwestern winter weekends!

Well, what a whirlwind of a weekend we've had for our family. Originally my husband and I planned on getting up early Saturday, making breakfast and going to some local furniture stores to price out a love seat (how we're spending our tax return). One look at all of the winter storm warnings Friday night put the kibosh on that plan.

We hoped that maybe Mother Nature would go easy on us, but as we woke Saturday morning, one peak out our window showed that, yep, we were staying in. Now don't get me wrong, it wasn't a blizzard. It's just easier to NOT have to bundle everyone up and make sure that the little guy keeps his mittens on-especially just to go window shopping. Plus, what better reason to cuddle up and watch movies, play some games and just plain have fun.

We (and by we I mean my husband) did achieve two major accomplishments on Saturday: he cleaned the gum off of some antique chairs that we had acquired from our church and he tightened up an antique table that we bought from our neighbors. Put them all together and VOILA! You have a completely different looking dining room setup! I finally was able to put away the cheap big box mart table and chairs set that I bought um... 10 years ago! It's just so nice to have a dining set that lives up to the integrity and character of our drafty old house.

Sunday was a much more action packed day for our family. We started out with Sunday School and church. After church it was a mad dash home for a quick bite and then my daughter and I were off to the local high school to watch "Junie B. Jones the Musical". We had an awesome mother daughter bonding time. I even got a little choked up on the finale song (something that isn't too huge of a surprise to anyone who knows me). After waiting in line for "forever" (according to my daughter) we got autographs from every single cast member, then headed home.

At that point we decided to get bundled up and go sledding (the temperature and wind chill are much more comfortable today). It was a pretty short trip, and the snow was pretty thin, but we had a blast! The little guy was just as excited to go down the hill (all by himself mind you) as his big sister! When everyone had enough of the cold weather we headed home for supper and hot chocolate.

And now, what do you know-it's nearly bedtime. I just love the days that fly by like that! I truly hope that our kids will remember half of the fun things we've done with them. I wish that I could remember every second of it, myself.

To Mortgage or not to Mortgage?

In light of our (and several other peoples') situation, I have been trying to find ways of saving money.

One thing I started doing a few months ago was looking at fliers for the local supermarkets and making my menu around what was on sale (and what I had in stock) instead of the other way around. Between that and clipping coupons, I have cut our grocery bill in half! I also have cut my lunches out down to once every few weeks (before I was laid off it was at least once a week). We have also been keeping our thermostat kept pretty low (long johns anyone?).

Unfortunately, these savings just are not enough to help me with my grand plan (more like pipe dream). That was for my husband and I to go away for a few days for our 10 year anniversary this summer. Originally the plan was to go to Las Vegas and stay at the Venetian (reminiscent of our honeymoon-we went to Italy and are still paying for it-ha!). Then I lowered my expectations to a few days at a beach house along Lake Michigan in Wisconsin. That is more than likely slightly out of our grasp, also.

I just don't think that Obama and the stimulus package are going to be able to help my family fast enough. And it really isn't the end of the world-we're happy at home, too. But lately I've been thinking that maybe we should look into refinancing to get our rate lowered. Now, I used to work in a mortgage related industry, but I couldn't tell you what current rates are to save my life! I kind of feel bad about that, but my mind is so filled up with tomorrow's lunchbox for my girl and tonight's dinner for all of us, and ooh, what is that smell?-time to change the boy. That's just an example of the zillions of thoughts going around in my head.

I guess I really should call up some of my old lender friends and find out what rates are and if we can even get approved on one salary. I'll keep you posted-it will be a whole new adventure!

Count your blessings.

What an exciting President's day we have in my household! Right now we have the little neighbor girls over that my kids love playing with. They are into my little guys Hot Wheels and Thomas trains, setting up tracks all over the place. I just love hearing the busy bustle and giggles that are floating up the stairs to reach my ears!

What I'm most excited about today is that we get to share our blessings with others. I taught Junior Church yesterday, and our lesson was about how Jesus shows his love for us. I had each of the kids talk about how they are blessed (home, family, food-these kids are pretty smart-none of them said their Wii's (not that that isn't a blessing, too!)). Then we spoke about how we need to show our love to others. The kids said that we can help other people, donate to charity, and help in the church. Like I said, they're pretty smart kids! Well, you can imagine my delight when I looked at the calendar this morning and realized that today is the day that I signed up (months ago) to prepare a green vegetable for the local homeless shelter.

When I signed up to help out, I didn't realize it was a holiday-what are the odds that I'd be able to have my seven year old home from school to help with this honorable task? I'm so excited to be able to carry our church lesson over into our everyday life so quickly. We've already taken the walk up to the grocery store for green beans and French's onions (Green bean casserole seems the best choice of my recipes for green vegetables). Plus we picked up the neighbors to walk with us. So we've had fun with our friends, gotten some exercise, fresh air and we're feeling good about ourselves! What better way to remember OUR blessings (freedom, home, food on our table) than by sharing them. Yes, it's a very good President's day, indeed.